New start

I like what I've got so far, but there is still so much farther to go. I'm going to start again with a new model, and try to apply new leaps in understanding. I'm a little out of practice writing, but writing is a state of mind that I can get into if I just focus. I'm going to follow this outline, that seems sensible.

Circa 200 pages

Simple language, easy to read, and understand.

Short entries, page long, comprise the chapters.

Come up with 10-15 questions per chapter

Write for an hour a day

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I don't want to make the book too long, simple, concise, and powerful. The Tao Te Ching was a short, simple book, with a profound message that has stayed for thousands of years. I hope to focus more on the refinement of my book, and not have the reader sift through a lot of excess wording. This may require much editing and rereading on my part, but I think the result will be something much easier to read.

Love Attachments

We all have felt love at one time or another, even if it was only briefly. That inner joy, belonging, contentment, and unity with all things is something we experience within, a profound sense of peace and acceptance, where we know all is as it should be. When we feel love, we tend to associate it, like all inner processes, to an outside object - creating that object as the source of love in our minds, irrevocably linked to it. When we take that love that is within, which is a result of our being, timeless, and indomitable, and attach it to something that is without, a person, a standard of behavior, then we take something immortal and make it mortal. We take the timeless and unchanging love and bring it into the realm of the temporary, physical reality. Love is so great and unwavering, constantly building as we learn how to welcome it into our lives in ever increasing degrees, but by taking this unlimited thing and bringing it out into the world of the limited we diminish its nature. We do this because we believe more in the world of the five senses than we believe in the knowledge of our own souls. The knowledge of ourselves is barely minimal, hardly existent, as most of us have not cultivated it once we learned how to distract ourselves with sensual, worldly pleasures. The information given us by the senses, on the other hand, can be overwhelming, and we use this quality to distract ourselves from our neglected spiritual selves. We apply this same concept to love, and happiness, believing it to be more a product of the world, than a deep inner realization. This belief leads us to the idea that love is something that is sought for outside of us, like happiness is sought outside of us, in the form of people, or things. By pursuing these incredible virtues in this fashion we find that they are not to be found in the world, and we are perpetually dissapointed, disillusioned, and we begin to despair. If they cannot be found in the world, then they must not exist - we tell ourselves. The desire for love is natural, and good! Seeking out love in all areas of our lives will only bring us the utmost satisfaction and contentment. The desire is not where we are mistaken, it is in the pursuit. We are looking for these things in places that they cannot be found. When we feel love, when we experience that profound and unifying acceptance, the feelings can only experienced within us if they reside in us. Sure a catalyst has helped us to achieve that feeling through the abundant definitions and judgements we have placed on it, but ultimately the feeling comes from within. When we learn to look within for these feelings, we begin to discover that we can generate them independently of an external catalyst. This ability is improved with practice and realization, but once begun, with every new understanding and proficiency we achieve, we expand the love and happiness in our lives until our lives literally overflow with abundance.
By learning how to find the joy of giving within the giving itself, and not looking for a justification for it, we can become beings of sharing. We often look for a justification for love, He loves me so much, She's so great, We have a unique connection. Why not just love? Our lives would be so full of love if we didn't believe that we had to limit it to these situations. By placing expectations on love, or our ability to love, we limit the unlimited, and take something so infinitely powerful as love, and turn it into a fleeting human fancy - here one moment, gone the next. Love is the greatest joy in our lives, so great that it could be said to be its equivalent. Yet we are afraid to love and try to categorize it and define it according to a predictable set of circumstances, trying to avoid all unknowns. By holding on to our expectations and beliefs, we may have the knowledge of certainty, but we will also be completely ignorant of the unknown joy of unrequieted love. These expectations will do nothing but limit us, but if we allow love to reign free in our hearts, and know it as a way of being, rather than a concept in our minds, then we can allow its glorious and unknown nature to flow through us - the very substance of life.

Awareness of Love

There are those of us who demonstrate such a capacity for love, acceptance, and an almost divine compassion that it baffles our understanding of what is humanly possible. The mindset that it takes to love all so unconditionally can initially be hard to wrap our heads around. Some of it has to do with an awareness of all the universe contains, and its value in relation to the perceiver.
There are those among us who value all things. They try not to judge, try not to resist, all that come across their path. They walk through life with an air of ultimate acceptance, unruffled, even unaffected by the world surrounding them. It is this attitude that allows us to see, unbiased, the value of all things, because we no longer imput any opinion of our own into the equation. Or it could be that the love they have for themselves is so great, that they project that love onto all that they encounter, and by enhancing the purity and goodness of their own perspective, they similarly enhance their reality. Those who allow their perspective to be tainted by anger, or fear, allow those similar projections in the world that they live in, and so they fashion for themselves a world that is less than perfect, and full of all those things they despise - Because - they despise them.

The lowest level of awareness is the awareness of the value of the self. At this level of awareness are criminals, rapists, molesters, and anyone who believes in number 1. I'm going to get mine, no matter what the cost, is their motto. This perspective naturally leads to great loneliness and self loathing. They have completely bought in to a concept of individuality, where they believe that they are completely separate from the universe. This belief ironically, they percieve as a source of relief, while it is also the source of great suffering.
Next up we have the level of the segregated, those who believe in the tenets of whatever limitations they place on the rest of humanity. This is the class of most people. They believe in the goodness of those people they have designated good, according to whatever value system they have in place. Whether its black vs white, good vs bad, American vs French, this awareness separates people according to different characteristics of that person. They believe that some people are better than others, and rather than working towards the benefit of the whole, they sacrifice some for the benefit of others, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. To them judgement is just an action, opinion, or skin color away, and this leads them to lead very shaky lives. Their self opinion is always in question, and they fear that which lies beyond their judgement. This leads many of these so called normal people, to commit the same attrocities as the criminal as soon as someone steps outside of their sphere of acceptance. With this boogie man in their closet, they can never have peace.

We all have limits to our acceptance, but this is where the final level of awareness rests - those who are aware of all things. They hold not only humanity, but all of existence in their idea of what has value. They judge nothing, and accept everything. This attitude seeks to expand acceptance to where it includes even the poor, the criminals, the despised of this earth and gives them the assurance of love that they had so desperately needed for so long. We all need and want love, its just that we expect it to be something from without, something beyond us, and so we never find it in ourselves, on the path of ultimate acceptance. This person of unconditional love has found a way to allow love in every situation where others allow fear or anger. They have placed no limits on their love, and so it encompasses all of existence and seeks not only the betterment of a specific group, or an individual, but all that is. Through discipline and awareness they have become a unified being, no longer possessing all the variance of normal people. Most of us have variations, from fear to love, acceptance to rejection, anger to peace, but a person who is unified has only that which they choose, and that is love. A person can never be only hate, or fear, or anger, because love is the nature of our soul, and that can never be wholly denied. A being of unconditional love has become a vessel for love, giving to all who pass, allowing that which is divine to flow freely into this mortal universe, and all who encounter him are enriched. If we all want more love, then a being who is a conduit for that love will be ever sought after. He will find the good in every person, and bring out the soul to triumph over the fear and the anger that viciously possesses most of us. Because he is good, then any reality he touches will incur the fallout of that good, and become better for it. Whereas those who show fear, or anger, their world will recieve the fallout of those projections, and in so doing become more fearful and angry.
By modulating our own frequency, using the power of our will to decide what we will do, an not reacting, we can create our worlds according to our choosing. In choosing to love, with each passing challenge to that love, every event which flares up my preprogrammed standards of fear, anger, or judgement, I can release that old standard and adopt a new standard of love. In this way I expand myself to become a being of ultimate caring, whose love overcomes all things, amor vincit omnia. At some point, I will no longer have to consider any circumstance outside of me, because I will be so focused on the path of love, that factoring the external will be of no consequence. I know how I will react, with the love and acceptance we all seek.
From my perspective it is a challenge to see how anyone would choose to hate, to be angry, to be afraid, but I suppose that is just the opposite of the perspective I held in my youth. I found it hard to believe how people could love even those who had malicious intentions, especially in all the martyrs. Now I have come full circle, and fear and anger now seem the baffling responses. But accepting that is just one more measure of love that I can attain, the acceptance of those who choose to harm, and the acceptance of their decision. Because we are never trully harmed, but that our belief makes it so. In coming close to them, being in their position, and loving them even in the presence of all their turmoil, I can bring love to even the most violent. Everything is a teacher, and we can learn so much if we open ourselves to learning. When loving feels so great, in compared to being frightened which feels so unsettling, its just a matter of awareness before someone realizes the obviousness of the choice. Once you feel a tinge of that unconditional love, you never want to go back to being afraid, or being angry, and the promise they give seems empty. Love elevates the soul, and brings heaven to earth, and once you know how to choose to have love coursing through you, why would you ever choose anything else?

The Measure of Happiness

Love is the singular measure of happiness in life. When we have love we walk with the gods among the clouds, and when we don't have it, life appears a bleak wasteland of which we are the only inhabitant. I can't say what it is in words, but we know the elation when we feel it. There are many things that we confuse with love, but it exists in a moment. In that one sublime moment when you find in another the perfection within yourself and all of existence. It seems like nothing can get you down. What is love? What makes it so wondrous that we will spend the entirety of our lives looking for it? That people will die for it. Love is the divine, a realization of the perfection of humanity, of the world. When we contact the essence of the universe, when we touch back to that substance of what we are, the lifegiving force, then we know what love is. Its when we abandon all fear, when we allow no separation, when we become one with what we are, free of conflict, then we know what love is, if only for a moment, and in that moment we are perfectly whole. Laying with someone, looking into their eyes, feeling their breath and their life so close to you, with ultimate trust. Trust is one way we abandon our fear, by believing that there is no threat. In these moments of inexpressible intimacy, we find ourselves in someone else. In those moments we finally touch the us in them.What is love? Love is not the passion we feel, it isn't the pleasure of the body. It takes us away from inferior and superior. It takes us away from equality. Love is the realization, not that we are equal, but that we are the same. One and all, each of us can find ourselves in each other because we are one and the same being. Its a spiritual realization, and one that can release us from all the pain of life on this earth. The glorious nature of the experience of touching another person on a level we don't understand can tell us something about what is good in this life. It is that intimacy we crave, we need, but life gives it to us and takes it away in all too fleeting moments. We don't know what it is, or how to say it, but we know we need it. We need that joy, that satisfaction, that knowledge that we aren't alone, that we are one and together, whole and complete. We don't know exactly how to get it, but we have an idea. You get together with someone you love, and when you connect physically, there's an exchange of something, a nearness of two beings, bringing the souls together to the state of existence that feels natural, a place of belonging, and when we feel that, we never want to let it go. We aren't supposed to let it go, not for a while, not for a moment, not ever. The state of oneness, being in love, is the way we are supposed to exist on this earth, living every day with a song in your heart and exhiliration in your lungs. We know that in that place of intimacy, we finally have the home we sought for so long. Despite the necessity, the glory of this state that we call love, we are all too quick to give it up. Love is the measure of happiness, and we leave it behind for most of our lives. We take the few moments of it that we are given and we guard them jealously, and then we never feel them again. Clutching the corpses of the dead. Love can be not just a few moments, but every moment of our lives, if we would only let it. If we just dropped our walls, let go of our fears, and loved without restraint, then we could have all of those sublime moments every second we're alive. Yes, love is a choice.We allow so many things to limit our capacity to feel love. We let expectations, assumptions, tradition, and so many of the things that society uses to limit the love it feels, we allow society to indoctrinate us with, and so we repeat its misery. We stop loving because someone stops loving us, furthering a vicious circle of despair and loneliness. When they are angry, we make the choice to be angry in return, and deprive not only them, but ourselves of the love that we crave. We walk through life thinking that the way we treat someone is isolated, but when we aren't separate, when we are all the same, then what happens when you do something to someone? You do it to yourself, and that is all we do with every one of our actions. What we do to another we must first do to ourselves, because we all come from the same spiritual energy that exists in all things. That is the realization that love brings, and through living this realization, that we are all one, we can bring love into our lives in greater amounts, more and more day by day. Love exists on a level of being that is impermeable to all of the variation of this physical reality. Love is the spirit, it is god, it is all that we are beyond what we know. Anything that is in the world cannot affect love, but we can affect it with our decision. We can decide to use the events of the world to make us stop loving each other, and we do. Over and over we do, and we reap the suffering of it. When we deny ourselves love, it is we who feel the pain, as well as all of the world, because what we have really done is limit our own being. In those times we stop being who we are, divine beings of unity and light. By not loving we restrict the very nature of our being, becoming less than what we are, and we feel this diminishing as a painful deadening. Someone yells at us, and we stop the love, someone cheats on us, we become afraid, we get angry, any number of the things we do that stop us from loving one another and all of them we do on a daily basis. With this regular destruction of our being, is it any wonder we are unsatisfied with life? I wish I could take all of those who suffer, and touch them with the light of love, and show them how they can have it, all the time. It is simpler than we realize, simple and easy, but because we believe that is complicated and hard, then it becomes so.All you have to do to love someone is to let go. Give up everything that you know, release everything that you are, everything that you thought was essential to your being, and love. Make love the priority, the number one priority, above all else, and you can feel it above all else. We let things get in the way of love, and that is why we don't feel it. We let differences of opinion get in the way, but those differences will not bring us love's belonging. We let definitions of love get in the way of our love for each other, but it won't grant us love's joy. We let other people's cruelty get in the way of our love, our judgements, our fears, so many things in life conspire to rob us of love's joys, but if you asked anyone which they'd rather choose, they would choose love. We just don't actively ask ourselves these important questions. Or it could be that we don't know the joy of love. When you haven't felt something, when you don't know how good it is, how can you know to choose it? I have felt a love so much more glorious than most people find in a lifetime, and so I am aware of even the most minute realization of its potential glory. How much more ecstasy does it hold for me? We all have the potential for such great love within us, all we have to do is let go of everything that causes us pain, and how glorious our lives can be with each small realization of that love. We start with the assumption that what causes pain lies without us, then we become powerless, bitter, victims. When we are the source of our pain then we have power over it. When you start with the assumption that you are the source of your perception and therefore your world, then you can alter everything that causes you pain, but this requires mastery of the self. Through dilligence of your mind, knowing how you think and how to control it, you can form your reality, change your life. Its the belief that the world actually matters that traps people in it. What you think is important is important, and its just that simple. We can literally shape our lives with our minds. Knowing this we can choose love over all else, and stop being afraid. We all can work on loving more, and the more we love the happier we are. Try it sometime. Every person you push away, shun, show hostility towards, or fear contributes a small measure to your unhappiness. With every person that we learn to accept who lies beyond what we find acceptable, and everyone we trust who we fear, and everyone we love who we hate, we begin to love a little more and make our lives that much more joyous. Every person that we learn to love beyond how much we allow ourselves to love now, is that much more that we improve our connection with the energy that brings us life. It is the greatness of love that brings life to life. Joy and meaning, purpose and worth, it can all be found in the measure of our love. I have loved greatly and not recieved that love in equal measure, but I do have that great love, because it resides within me. That is how we spread love. We are taught that love is something you give as well as recieve, but we can only give it. We may be inspired by another's love to give, but it is only the giving that we have control over. When we give love greatly then we may not recieve love greatly, but we do have it. The love resides within us. By loving I cannot gaurantee that others will give me love, but I don't need it. I have enough of my own, and I can give as much love as I allow myself to give. When you become a fountain of love, then you know you will never be without it. I know that great love exists, because it exists within me, and I find new inspirations to grow my love every day. I only hope that I can inspire others, and in so doing they will find the love they have always searched for.

A High Priority

In my world, love is the highest priority. This grants me love in great amounts, which in turn gives me lots of acceptance, self-esteem, a healthy social life, and rewarding relationships. All of us hold up our mindset to the world and expect it to conform. We could call this the lens of understanding. Through the application of our own personal methodologies to the world at large, we create a dissention between an inner reality and an outer reality. We cannot make the world fit into us, no matter how hard we try, because it is so much greater than our understanding can grasp. I have expected people before to hold love to the standard that I do, and this is simply unreasonable. Everyone determines the importance of various aspects of their lives, although most of us do it without really thinking. I would die for love, and life seems like a very small price to pay for such a glorious thing. Others cannot even scrifice their position for love, or endure even minor discomforts. These people appear to be the most miserable. And why shouldn't they be? They deny themselves the one thing we all crave. Those who deny themselves love, because they hold it as a low priority, are the very same ones who will complain about the lack of love they feel. Queer how conventional, worldly thinking can knock you down, and then make you feel like you can't get back up. When they complain about not having love, they are trying to ignore what it is that really put them there - their own decision to avoid love in favor of other things.Love gives me reason to breathe, shows me the beauty of life which exists in all things. Without love, life would seem bleak, lonely, not worth living. Yet many of us live in a sort of love starvation, going through the motions of life and not giving love to anyone, including ourselves, especially ourselves. We decide our reality, and life is little more than the consequence of your decisions. Anyone who believes otherwise may have their justification, but they abandon the power that could change their lives. There's no right or wrong, factual or fictional, its all a matter of choice. If you want to believe that someone is responsible for your lack of love, then that is the reality you live in, and it places you as the victim, helpless, weak, and ultimately incapable of changing your suffering. If you want to believe that you only have as much love in your life as you choose to have, then you can have that much love, and you are liberated from the self defeat that comes from using circumstance as an excuse for a substandard existence.I suppose there's no reason for sympathy here, or feeling sorry for someone. We all have the same power of decision, and we use it to form our lives. No other factor decides our lives as strongly as our will. Will plays such a strong role in our existence that it literally defines it. Where you have choice, there you know you are, and that is the limit of your conciousness. What you do not have the power of choice over is not you, and those things are beyond your consideration. This power has been granted to all of us equally. No one has less free will than another. Some have stronger will through its regular exercise than others, and this can be attained by anyone. Strength of will is learned, not given. When you use your power of choice to deny love, to be afraid, to choose the lesser over the greater, than that is simply the life you live. It isn't worse, or wrong, it simply is. Even though you may suffer as a result of this decision, you have chosen it, and that is your right. If someone wants a life that is full of misery, weakness, pain, and deficiency, then that is the life they have chosen. Every moment of life is an opportunity, is a choice, and in this very moment you decide the quality of your life. Why someone would want a life of such lack is not something I understand. I have chosen a life of abundance. I build on that abundance daily, contributing to my own happiness and satisfaction, but I have made the choices that support that reality. Regular diet and exercise, meditation, mindfulness, and kindness have filled my life with more delight than I know what to do with. So I like to throw it around to those who feel like they don't have it. When you have a system that works, its amazing how simple things become.All it takes to have the life that you want is to exercise the will it takes to choose it. Will is a learned attribute, like anything else in life, and if you don't strengthen and exercise it regularly, it will atrophy and become weak, and you won't be able to use it to create the life that you want. Exercise your will every day in little ways. Ask yourself what you want when a situation comes up, don't think about the situation, think about what you want, and then make the decisions necessary to get it. I don't worry about what could happen if I do this, I ask what I can do to get what I want, and if it doesn't work, I try something else, but the results don't matter. Its the desire that matters, and this desire is a reflection of my state of mind. For example, recently I've been trying to improve some lackluster relationships in my life, but it isn't the improvement of them that I'm concerned about. All relationships are comprised of two halves, and I can only be responsible for my half. What I'm really interested in doing is showing love. Once I feel like I've shown love, everything that happens after that is irrellevant. The happenings themselves, the events that arise from my actions, and even my actions themselves are insignificant. What matters, where the true importance lies, is that I love. If I am loving, if I choose love at every juncture, choosing it over fear, distance, cruelty, or anger, then what I have is what I've chosen, and I've chosen love. What a glorious gift to myself, to others, to the universe! Every moment of my life that I hold love in my heart, especially for those who I would find it difficult to love, I expand my capacity for love, and I exercise that ability that gives my love, and my will, strength. What others do with the love that I give them is their business, and really irrellevant to what I do. No matter what the reaction, I will continue to love them, and by loving them myself, by showing that you don't have to settle for anything less than the greatest measure of love possible in your life, I act out my role in the great play of the universe in the interest of building a world that has just that much more love in it. The world as we know it is nothing more than the effluence of all beings. What do we exude? Each moment be watchful of your thoughts and doings, aware of the state of your being, and decide if it is reflective of the world you want to live in. Not the world that is, but the world you want. We must be the change we want to see in the world, and the only reason we want, is to satisfy that want. Satisfy your needs, from within yourself, and then you can take that which you have found to others who also need, and collectively we can give to each other and begin to fashion a world of abundance rather than lack. It feels good to love in spite of all circumstances. There is no trauma, no suffering in the world, only in ourselves. It is from the self that these things are experienced and therefore it is in the self that they can be remedied. When we look towards ourselves for the answers to our problems, we will always find them. When we cast the blame at others for how we feel, then they will always be responsible for our lives, because we have made them that way. What is missing in your life? What is it that you need, that you feel like you don't have? Define what you feel you lack, and begin to create it within yourself. Stop looking elsewhere for the happiness you seek and begin to find it within. Everything you need, all you desire, can be found right here, right now. If you will only make those things that you desire a priority, the highest priority, then you can have them in exactly the measure that you have placed importance on them. If you need love, if you don't feel loved, if you feel alone, then find that love, inside. Love yourself, and love others who you find it hard to love, because the judgements that you place on others are the very same judgements you place on yourself. When you learn not to judge, not to need, not to demand, then you begin to free not only the world and others, but also yourself from these harsh expectations. Learn to live a little and enjoy this very moment, regardless of the circumstances. Life has been full of confusion for me, many, many variables floating around in the world beyond me, but when I focus inward, and look towards what I want then all the confusion ends, and things become clear and simple. I want love and happiness. That's all, and choosing these things from moment to moment is a very simple task, all I have to ask is, How am I feeling right now about this? If its good, I do it. If it isn't, then I set about finding something that feels good. Simple. Easy. Liberating. Love is my highest priority, and because I have chosen it, it abounds in my life. You can be afraid of many things, you can worry about many things, but what do they contribute to your life? Chances are they take away more than they give. Stop the destruction. Begin to choose, not in the interest of circumstance, but in the interest of your being. What choices do you have to make to have the state which you desire, right now? Find those choices and make them. I recommend a decision that increases the love in your life. Love brings me happiness, comfort, self-worth, and inexhaustible belief that I am not alone. When you have love, there just doesn't seem to be much of anything that you need. Love is always more than enough.

The Gift of Love

Is a gift of itself. When we hold on to it, it dies, when we share it with the world, and give and give, the more we find we have to give. The energy it alots us is endless. Hatred, anger, fear on the other hand drain the energy from us, making us feel more dead than alive, and bringing us immense suffering. When we choose to project love in the midst of situations that would make others falter, we hold true to a greater truth about ourself and all things while breaking down the walls that have been placed around us to separate ourselves from the all of things. When you see with love there is no reason to fear, because the focus immediately passes from the external to the internal, which provides a consistency that the world cannot provide. No matter what happens we can be confident in our own love and that we will respond with love to all environments. When you live in fear you are always questing for an external solution because the problem is understood as being external, but when you see from love, the challenge lies not without, but within. When we see that we are in possession of the problem and therefore the solution, then all of our answers are only a decision away. This can give us the confidence we need to overlook our fears and operate wholly from our locus of control, ourselves. The knowing that comes from choosing love above all else, to BE that love, utterly without deviation, provides the greatest security that I have ever felt. It is a great comfort to know that no matter what happens, things may not be all right, but I will be all right, and that makes things all right. Not because the world has itself changed, but because I have changed. I do not need to accept the world as it is, because once I accept myself as I am, and am in a state of peace and comfort - then my perception of the world changes it. Nothing is certain that our perspective cannot alter.
Connecting to people, not to them, but to myself. THe reason I interact with people the way that I do is because its the way I interact with myself. If I want to be more comfortable with others, I will be more comfortable with myself, to be an unending source of encouragement, not actively improving situations, but empowering others to change them. A leader does not change anything, but empowers others to change things. They are ultimately responsible and capable of changing their lives, and I hold no responsibility for any external suffering. This is a great leap in my understanding of the role of a leader. The master acts without anyone knowing he is there, and when the work is complete they say, Look we did it all by ourselves. The leader does nothing but influence. He is removed and ultimately completely involved from every situation he enters. It is this air of detachment that enables him to fully engage every situation because for either good or bad, he is unaffected - allowing him to pursue the goals of others. The leader is a chameleon, without presence or identity, adopting the identity of the situation he is thrown into. The leader is nothing, and it is nothing that makes all the difference. I am. I am something so undefinable and yet so immaculately powerful. Without form the spirit moves throughout all form, touching it with the traces of divine essence. With this essence we choose what to project, either anger or fear, doubt or belief, or love. By understanding, choosing, and subtly defining the substance of our spiritual essence, we can affect all we come into contact with. The question is, in what way will we affect them?

Romantic Love

Love was confusing to me as a child. I had no concept of it, and subsequently no idea how to define it. I now define it as a genuine desire for another's happiness. But in American culture the idea of love is bombarded with many extraeneous assumptions. We hold 'romantic love' above all others, and as a result have lost sight of the concept of a genuine interpersonal love based on mutual respect for each other's existence and all the rights that come with it. Many relationships compose themselves within set parameters that often have very little to do with whether or not the two people actually love each other. There is a standard of monogamy, marriage, financial support. These kinds of relationships are based on the concept of a beneficiary. As long as they are getting something out of the relationship, they are satisfied, but once that relationship requires more effort than the pleasure it doles out, becomes one-sided or challenging, as all long term relationships do from time to time, then the relationship is over. From this perspective, love is not a grand notion of self-sacrifice or compassion overcoming adversity, it is simple self-serving - no different from any other behaviour an animal exhibits. We pursue that which benefits us, and eschew that which harms us. It is a lifestyle dependent upon the outside world, and to that extent it will always be unremarkable - another wave on the tide of life. It is those lives that strive against circumstances, that see the way things are and determine that they can be better that are truly magnificent.
When Rachel left me I was confused as to why. I had very little familiarity with this concept of love as being something executed only for self benefit. For me love has always been about giving of your own abundance. Its about what you can give not what you can receive. Love holds high connotations of superhuman compassion, an ability to love others to an extent that it overcomes great obstacles, love that cannot be conquered. In her mind there were many reasons to leave, but in my mind there was no reason so great that it would cause me to stop loving her. It seems obvious, and maybe I was seeing things purely from my own perspective, but my idea of love and my faith in its power is not a very common idea. From my research and talks with others, I've found that its actually quite a rare concept, and many people find it almost ridiculously noble. All this time it had been an integral part of my living reality, who knew? Knowing this I feel that I have another purpose in life, to tell others about the power of love, how it can overcome all difficulties, how it can forgive all wrongs, and the healing it can bring to the most troubled soul.
Since I was young I have had more compassion than anger or hate, and I'm not one to think that we are born either good or bad, but as far as I can remember I have always cared more than I had feared. Fear is another thing I haven't had much of in my life, and maybe that leads to my abundance of compassion. The belief in separation which fear springs from is responsible in some way for most of the pain we feel throughout our existence. Conversely, the belief in unity from which all love flows can bring us back into touch with the underlying energy of all things and brings us into harmony with our divine state. Separation is a wide spread belief, which causes us all deep existential conflicts regarding our role in the all of things.
It was easy for me to assume that Rachel didn't love me, and she didn't - not in the way that I loved her. She just has a more limited definition of love, with many barriers that she imposes upon it which limit her experience of that unifying love that brings ultimate happiness. We all suffer from limiting beliefs, if we didn't, we'd all be making huge changes in our world. The greatest limit to human potential comes from within ourselves. I would like to show her that she can believe in love, and give herself over to it completely without fear of harm. But we all know what its like to be tentative, to be afraid to be hurt, to avoid pain even though it may be good for us.
There is an idea in American culture that suffering or hurt is something to be avoided. This is another popular concept that I have not quite accepted, and am suprised to learn of its prevalency. It may explain how much failure and misery is present in American society. We do seem to be a culture of pessimists. When you see suffering as something to be avoided, then you in essence are in denial of the very nature of human existence. You despise life. Its a fairly powerful revelation when you think about it. Even our dreams of retirement, the great escape, drugs, video games, relationships, its all about bringing in enough pleasure in your life to make it worthwhile. What if we began to cultivate an appreciation for suffering? We all know people we admire. We see their accomplishments, and when we see them overcome great adversity in triumph we are moved deeply, but what would that triumph be without the adversity? When we see someone who plays an instrument beautifully, we only see the end result. We don't see how it was when they first picked it up. How horrible it sounded, or the countless hours of practicing. All great people have persevered through innumerable difficulties in order to achieve their great deeds. Given this fact of achievement and progress, it would seem more reasonable to cultivate an appreciation for the suffering that comes with all good things. If we were to gain an appreciation for the process that led to the fancy car and the nice house, then we might actually acquire those things. But because we only appreciate the outcome, and shun the process, the outcome will never be ours. In the same way a great relationship requires steadfast commitement, day to day, and perseverence through the harsh times, the times when hope seems dim, and having faith in the knowledge that on the other side of this adversity the two will come out stronger, closer, and more confident in their commitment to each other. So many people do not achieve their dreams because they are outcome oriented. They expect the rewards without doing what is required to receive them.
Now that I am aware of this concept of love 'as long as it benefits me', I see it time and time again in popular romance, on television, in novels, our culture is inundated with this perception of romance as something that persists only as long as it meets expectations, not something that persists beyond expectation. As soon as one party doesn't get what they want, the relationship is over. This runs contrary to an idea of love that exists solely for its own merit, not on the benefit received. According to a genuine love between two beings, you don't give love, you don't receive it, you embody it. Love becomes a part of your being and nothing else can affect that. This is how the martyrs can forgive their tormentors, how Ghandi could forgive the British, or the Dalai Lama forgive the Chinese. Their idea of love is more about who they are than a reaction to external stimuli. This is the idea of love that I hold. I love Rachel regardless of the way she treats me, or what comes between us, because that is the person that I choose to be. I choose to be one possessed of compassion, forgiveness, benevolence, and love because those are our natural states of being. It is the mindsets of distance, judgement, bitterness, anger, and fear that are essentially corrosive to our being, and those who adopt them will feel their pain. That is what I want to give to her, a faith in herself and a knowledge that she doesn't have to suffer under the belief that she must protect herself from hurt, or avoid difficulty. But as long as she subscribes to those harmful mindsets, she will always wear the mask of pain. It is that measure of happiness that I can give her.
I did assume much about her thinking, but then again probably so did she. Many of us trust our minds and regard the voice in our heads as absolute. Our minds are like our bodies, only as productive as their fitness. Through observation and discipline we can understand the subtle processes of our mind that operate beyond our knowledge and control. By understanding and gaining power over our mind, body, and other aspects of our existence, we can begin to gain mastery over our life as well.
The great tragedy is when we loose faith in ourselves. When we stop striving for something more and just give up. It happens to all of those who reach for something greater. I've been there, and I want to be there for those who are in that position. It is sad when I see the look of despair on her face, a complete and utter lack of confidence in her ability to take control of her relationships for the better. I don't know how to give her that faith in herself. I suppose I could look to the things that give me the confidence I have to struggle through difficulties and use them to my advantage. But I have been through greater difficulties than most, and through those difficulties I have learned the value of overcoming obstacles as being critical to the process of becoming a better person. Suffering, difficulty, harsh times are only as good as you make them. These trials can either embitter us, or increase our capacity for love and acceptance. They really are what you make of them, and some people come out for the better, some come out for the worse. Unfortunately, I don't think Rachel has learned much from the numerous difficulties of her life, including our relationship, and that is because with each suffering, she withdraws more and more, avoiding the pain that could lead her to such great personal transformation if only she would embrace it with confidence in her own ability to overcome. In order for her to take something on though, she needs to believe that she can. Naturally the most immediate thing that I can help her with is our relationship. I could be there as a support for her to hold her through the times where she doubts herself, where she is unsure, when she is afraid, but in order for me to be something she can depend on, she has to depend on me. I cannot provide her with a sense of self, but maybe I can support her in the tentative first steps that are so frightening when we embark on the quest of self-realization. I can help provide her with the initial security she needs to reflect and question herself, for inquiry is essential to the process of discovery, but with the goal of enhancing her own self image so that she is stronger in the future. Without a solid sense of self-esteem, almost anything in life can seem impossible. If she were to add high self esteem to my existing support of her, she would be all the stronger for it, and able to face the turbulence of life with confidence and faith.
These are lessons we can all stand to learn. Who we are and where we are is more a product of our own beliefs in ourselves than of the factors in our environment, although we are very fond of blaming outside sources for our problems. You made me feel this way, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them, Its all his fault, etc etc. But great people persist and strive in the face of all of the odds that keep most people in lives that they settle for. It is those few who do not blame, who look to themselves for the answers to their problems, who really achieve great things. When they see the poor on the streets, they do not lament their position, or say the poor are responsible for their own selves, they do what they can to change that reality in a way that suits them. They see the way things are, and not only survive in adverse circumstances, but thrive in the midst of great difficulty due to the abundance of their character.
Occassionally when I see the absence of compassion in others, the manifestations of their fear, I feel the automatic rise of anger. When others project a certain emotional mindset, we are more or less inclined to go with it, according to the power of our will. The greater frame overcomes the lesser one. If someone of a stronger will maintains a compassionate mindset it will overcome someone of a lesser will with a hateful mindset, and vice versa. Since our minds are in our own keeping it is for us to improve the discipline and strength of our will through concious, consistent training. I find this anger is not only a result of my response to others, but also my expectations of them. One time Rachel said that I was acting the way I was for attention. I was taken aback, this was a response that I had considered beneath her, but then again I had projected my ideals of compassion and love to her, which she simply did not share, and are not common in our society. I have to learn to observe my external reality for what it is, and not project lofty illusions of love onto someone who really has very limited understanding of what compassion is. In realizing how things are, I can see where I can act, and the changes that can be made. However if I illusion myself and see things as better than they actually are, then I overlook critical deficits that need to be addressed. A problem ignored quickly grows out of control. If I'm going to be real about her, I'm going to have to stop projecting my expectations onto her, and make concrete observations so that I can more accurately assess the obstacles before us. Without a genuine sense of love and compassion, all relationships are due to an inevitable failure as the situations of life change. The strength of our relationships directly correlates to our capacity for love. Someone who is unwilling to forgive will find their relationships limited to that extent. As far as they are willing to forgive, to love in the face of fear, or discomfort, is as far as their relationships will go. In this way, we limit our own capacity to love and be loved in return. We limit the joy of our existence through our beleifs in self-preservation. These beliefs in self preservation are false because they are founded on the premise that the self can be assailed. How can the spirit be attacked? It is not conceivable for us, and yet we consistently attempt to preserve those things that are not our self, the body, possessions, relationships. It is this attitude of cutting other people off to protect ourselves that hampers our capacity to experience the true elation and security that comes from choosing to let love abound in your heart.

Self-Defense

I wish we could all see the damage defending our ego causes. You want to show that you're right, because somehow it makes you better when somebody else is wrong. Defending the ego is a small thing, compared to the large thing it gives up. When you make your opinion more important than connecting with someone else, listening to them, loving them, than you pick something you already possess, over receiving that human gift. How petty. Small minds create small results. It takes the bigger person to see things beyond the ego to address something from the perspective of the other person, and to help them achieve a solution, not yourself. With a knowledge of self, a person can live beyond the ego. When you realize and have confidence in you worth as a living thing, then you can operate in a realm that gives no heed to ego and frees you from all the petty struggle that afflicts those who turn the outside world into a personal battleground. That's all the ego is, an attempt to compensate for a lack of genuine self knowledge. Its when we extend ourselves out into various aspects of the world and align our very sense of being and self worth with those aspects. We can turn beliefs, opinions, authority, beauty, skill, knowledge, anything, into a representative of the very fabric of our being, which is unalterable. But when we attach to these things, we take something that is invincible and make it vulnerable. We place ourselves in a precarious position and bring about our own pain when those variable aspects change as all external things do. When our opinion is questioned, we flame up in defence, but of what? We aren't being threatened, but because we align ourselves with those things that are ever changing, we feel threatened. And so by our own associations, we create suffering in our lives.

Sex is Overrated

All my life I've never had good sex. I've given good sex, that much is evident by the multiple orgasms, characturesque faces of exstacy, and that goofy newborn giraffe walk that girls do because their legs aren't so stable afterwards. For the girls I've been with, the sex was always far better on their end, and thats what I wanted. Not for their pleasure to be greater than mine, but to give them immense pleasure. It has been my greatest expression of affection. Oddly enough, they didn't see it as an expression of love, but of lust - which is a distinction I've never really made. If you make someone feel good, no matter what form it takes, its because you love them right? Maybe its the lingering puritanism in our society, but sex in a relationship seems to take on the role of a guilty pleasure. Its not the gift, the unifying moment between two people, the incredible moment of emotional exstacy that it is to me - its just sex, you squish things together cause it feels good.
I realize now that I have never really been into the sex. I dug the emotional connection. While the girls I made love to seem to have chucked it down to an expression of primal urges, I was attempting a genuine emotional expression. Its amazing how perspective can change a situation entirely. Even from the start of my sexual experiences I thought of the physical sensations, 'This is it?' And yes this is it, all there is to it. Sex for the physical aspect is almost an insignificant pleasure for me, like many other pleasures. What matters to me in sex is the emotional bond that I form with that person, but sex for the purpose of sex is ultimately not even worth the time or effort. Without a connection, the feel good aspect of sex is not great enough to justify its pursuit. But this is my attitude towards all worldly pleasures, from food, to entertainment, to drugs, to sex, it all seems quite unimpressive to me. I am uncommon in that I do not have an incredible appreciation for the pleasures that most other people spend a good portion of their lives pursuing.
Maybe its because those girls received so much from the physical aspect of it, that they drowned out the emotional. I've always thought that being a good lover is tantamount to a good relationship, but now I realize that not everyone brings an emotional connection into sex the way I do. Everyone expereinces love and affection differently, and not everyone feels it principly in physical intimacy - as I do. All this time I have been a student of pleasure, researching, implementing, and perfecting techniques and philosophies of sexuality so that I could give my love something great, but I had always been assuming something. I think this is how the stereotypical cultural mindset of the one night stand feels. The girl puts out with the understanding of a relationship, and the guy never calls back. It boils down to a conflict of interest. I have to learn that not everyone experiences and builds emotional intimacy in the same way that I do. So in the future, I'm going to take the time, before I engage in sexual activity, to establish an emotional connection beforehand so that the sex will have meaning. Without that meaning, sex is - well - boring. Sex is something that can be very good, or very bad, and simply because I haven't had good sex doesn't mean it isn't out there, it just means that maybe I'm not approaching it in the most productive fashion. I'm going to build that emotional connection, find what specific behaviours kick on the love circuits in the person I'm courting, and then begin to build that emotional connection that makes sex worthwhile. Sexuality in the physical sense, without a deep underlying physical connection, has an emptiness to it, like fancy wrapping paper with no gift inside. Maybe the reason I do so well sexually is because I really put myself into it emotionally, in that sense it has always been a genuine emotional expression, because I've tried to communicate my love with every touch. The ones I have been with may not have understood that, and that's why the experience on my end was lack luster. For them sex was more of an act of pleasure, whereas for me it was an expression of love. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Assuming too much leads to this kind of confusion. It was real for me, thats all I can say.
Not everyone gives as easily as I do, and I have to keep in mind that the world doesn't operate according to my personal idealism. The more and more I improve my character and discipline my mind in the pursuit of a higher self, the more effort I have to exert to dispel my illusions about the world. We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. This is a common misperception in humans, projecting personal thoughts, standards, and expectations onto a world that just doesn't conform. Learning to see things more according to their reality and less according to my reality is a skill that is improved throughout my lifetime, and the farther and farther I build myself up, the more I stray from the norm. I have to remind myself of the importance of observation, and eschew assuming and attempting to figure things out on my own, because if I want to figure anything out, I have to have multiple perspectives. I can give great emotional involvement into sexuality that most people simply don't. They're more worried about protecting themselves emotionally which naturally will limit your level of commitment. I'm not worried about whether or not I'll be hurt, as much as I'm striving to give myself more and more into each little interaction. Its those who attempt their own preservation who ultimately sabotage their efforts for a great connection because it is ultimately that attempted self preservation that is the primary restricting factor in the expression of their relationship.
I have to be aware of other people's limitations, limitations I may not have. Just because I may excell in an area is no reason to think that they will, and I may have to give them a hand up in those situations, help them along where they haven't come as far as I have. I haven't really given much attention or thought in relationships to emotional difficulties my partners have faced. I had the opinion that internal growth was something faced internally, and it is, but help from outside sure can be nice. I've never really considered my role as a mentor in the relationship to be a primary one, but it seems that it could be. I haven't been a very good teacher, given my limited experience, but I am getting better as I begin to understand all the little idiosyncrasies that afflict the common human's thinking. With an understanding as to exactly Why people can be so senseless, destructive, and illogical, I can begin to understand their motives and help them to understand their behaviour themselves. I have always valued the role of a teacher, and the greatest aspect of a great teacher is that he is a great student - never ceasing learning even from the most minute aspects of reality. I can help those I'm with learn how to let go of their fears and embrace the fullness of love and bring that deep connection into their relationships that they crave but simultaneously are frightened of.
Helping someone achieve the confidence they need to fully give themselves to a relationship is a wonderful gift we could all use in our daily relationships, and it all comes down to a matter of focus. If you focus on how you could be hurt, that's all you'll think about, but if you focus on how you can help other people then you can really start to act effectively towards that end. And in helping others you find yourself taken care of as well. No one who gives fully of themlselves ever goes without. It is that kind of attitude that is fundamental not only to our romantic relationships but also to our daily interactions with everyone we meet. When you adopt the attitude of giving, then your relationships and the emotional connection you experience is only limited to the extent that you can give. As we go on with the intention of giving, we can learn to give more and more and in so doing gradually improve the quality of our relationships and our lives.

Love Expectancy

I used to feel frustrated with people's lack of compassion. With Rachel and Amanda, I would give them my unconditional love, and expect the same thing in return. That's just how things work right? Oddly enough it was my expectancy that love was the same for everyone, but like anything else in life, love comes in degrees. Not everyone appreciates people without qualifying them. Most are out to see what they can get out of love. The whole idea of giving and caring because we are all one universal being, or because love is better than apathy, is not a universal one. All this time I think I've been living in a world all my own. It seems that an idea of universal, unconditional love is actually not very common in the Western world. There's an expectation to think What can love do for me? Which is ironically contradictory to how I would see love. Love for me bursts from the pores because I feel it for all, and it is that affinity that helps me to think of the world in a more positive, less threatening light. Most people are somehow afraid of the world as well. Their decisions are based more on what they don't want than what they do want, and as a result they never get the life they wanted.
I wanted Rachel and Amanda to love me unconditionally, in the way that I love them, to have that true love that comes from recognizing a fellow being with all the same rights and many of the same basic desires that we all have. But I have recently come to realize that this understanding of love and the universe is not a common one. Sure we hear it all the time in religious doctrine and most of us know in our heads at least that that's how things should be done, but when it comes to our lives, so few of us really understand the practical application of the concept, in thought and deed.
The frustration I feel comes from an expectancy, and a want, that has not been fulfilled. But its like fighting against reality - you can either deny it and make yourself miserable with your delusions, or you can recognize and assess the problem and face it as it really is. Neither of them love me to the extent I had hoped, thats out there, its the way it is. What can I do in light of this information? Continue to be open, to approach them gently, in the hopes of helping them to expand their ability for love and compassion and thereby the quality of their lives. For it is by the expression of compassion that we find the most deep and enduring happiness. But that is an ultimate goal. Before they can achieve that higher level of spiritual knowledge, I can simply fulfill the role of a caring person, someone who is there to listen, and enhance the feeling of connection we all desire.
Apparently this higher spiritual realization of love is quite a significant thing to learn and not nearly as popular as I had thought it was. That probably comes from a fallacy in my own thinking. We all see the world as we are, not as it is, and so I have used my thinking to attempt to understandn other people's thinking. When I bring my knowledge of love as unwavering and steadfast into my analysis of people's behaviour, then of course their actions are bewildering. But almost all of us would consider this love an almost miraculous thing, something they only talk about in fairy tales, but for me it is an everyday reality. I don't know why I was born with such an immense compassion. I've been like this since I can remember. But with this in mind it would make sense that Rachel and Amanda would doubt my good intentions, for the love that I have for them is something they've never experienced and probably something they don't beleive exists, because it doesn't exist within them. We tend to fear and doubt anything that we don't fully comprehend, its just human nature. In order for us to understand anything we have to understand it within ourselves, and we have to strive for that understanding, but to understand something from without - especially when we don't want to, is pretty impossible. All of our understandings of these complex notions come from a deep knowledge of the self, because it is from the self that we interact with the universe.
Rather than feel proud or accomplished for attaining this understanding of love that is so uncommon, I feel an immense obligation to bring it to others. We conduct ourselves in so much fear and anger and then we wonder why we feel so terrible. These behaviours are caustic to the soul, and yet to most of us, they are a matter of day to day existence. As a people we are slowly poisoning ourselves. We don't make reaching out and helping people a part of our lives, and then wonder why we feel lonely and disconnected. There seems to be an attitude that compassion is a matter of sacrifice, that you have to give something up in order to be compassionate. I would say that compassion is a matter of receiving, good health, a better attitude, a happier existence. The benefits we get from living a compassionate life are worth far more than what most of us put into it. Like anything in life that you build to incredible results, cultivating love and compassion in your being brings elation and a sense of purpose. When we hold onto bitterness and anger, it eats away at our very souls.
Error is the way of our existence, and all those who suffer - I hope that their suffering is not in vain, that someday they will reflect on the results of their decisions regarding themselves and see the pain their thought and actions cause and turn from those destructive ways. Maybe thats what it means when He said, Repent and sin no more. To sin literally means to miss the mark. Most of us want happiness, we just spend the entirety of our lives looking for it in the wrong places, chasing it in phantoms. The way to build a happy soul is to cultivate those attitudes that lift you up, and reduce those that bring you down. The construction of happiness comes from within, not from without, and that may be where most people miss the mark.
Above all we are all human, with the same desire for happiness, and the same rights across the world. Beyond that there is an affinity for all things. When we see each other as the same, no one better or different from the other in the most important ways, then we take a big step towards realizing our own compassion - placing ourselves as equals. When we see ourselves as the same we no longer judge, and we begin to approach things as though we ourselves were shouldering their burden. This is closer to the truth, for we are all the same being bearing the same burden of suffering, and by eliminating any suffering in the world we help in some way to reduce the suffering of all.
All there is for me to do is to actively engage myself in empathy with this world. In so doing I hope that someday Amanda and Rachel will realize some of the love that I have for them, even if they may not comprehend its entirety. We all want to be connected, to feel a part of the whole, and to cut anyone off, especially if they are suffering, seems cruel to me. Those most caustic elements of society are those most in need of compassion, for it is their separation that causes the pain which drives their destructive habits. Not all of us strive for betterment, most of us just try to get by. I believe things can be better, and I believe that I have a role to play in that. We are all given gifts to use them, and it seems that mine are destined to help people. That is what I will strive for.

Sharing Love

Sometimes our expressions work out well. We get to show those we love how much we care about them, and they recieve it, and it is a wonderful joyous moment. It is for these moments that many of us live. Moments of profound benevolence, where there is no threat, no doubt, where we fully give ourselves over to that ultimate emotion - love. Love gives us the greatest joy we will ever feel in our lives, and in that moment we know that life truly is a most wonderful thing. It is the lack of love that leads us to abhor our own existence. In the absence of love, fear takes over, and by their nature these negative emotions are caustic to our souls and well being. The joy of love is the divine connection with all things. It is when we tap into our innate connection and throw all of our beliefs about separation to the side, that we come into alignment with our true place in the universe.
I would like to give this love to those who are important to me, but sometimes they cannot be so open. We all have times where we have clung to the fears that produce our own miseries, it is the nature of people, and we all spend our entire lives learning to overcome them. At times like these the love cannot flow freely between us, but I can still express my love for them by understanding their lot. We all exist in a state of error, and I have known the temptation of fear that results in a most profound suffering. Many times I have succumbed to beliefs that we all succumb to day by day, and I have to remind myself that even with this knowledge that I have, I STILL fall into those ways inspired by fear and separation. In that sense I would consider it my duty to extend to others the forgiveness that I extend to myself. For where sin abounded, grace abounded more. In these times of division, the only love I can extend to those who cut themselves off, is the acceptance and understanding of how they are feeling, what they are going through. No one does wrong intentionally, for in each case we all believe that somehow those wrongs are the right thing, that they will reduce the suffering present in their world. I do not have compassion or allowance for them as a higher being, but as one who shares in their fate, as we all share in each others fate. We all strive against the belief in our own separation and individuality and the hurt that it brings. Some of us are a little better at it, it is a skill that we develop like anything else, and if we think of it as a skill, then we can appreciate those who are still learning. Like a violinist tutors his pupil, those of us who have learned about life and love, and the importance of realizing them in our daily lives can teach others how to live awakened to the nature of separation and unity. Based on the measure of existence, we are all equal, even though the skills for living that we learn may vary, by value we are all one. This perspective helps us to live together as one, and reduces the judgement that comes from thinking we are better than someone in some aspect. This impulse also com from a belief in our own inferiority, and us attempting to patch up that inferiority with external accomplishments. We don't know who we are, as a species, and as a result we look for ways to bolster our image, to prove to ourselves our own worth, in many aspects of our external and even internal realities. Whether we pursue skills, or wealth, or knowledge, a profound ignorance of our inner selves has caused us to latch onto these things in an attempt to complete what is already complete. The belief in incompleteness is an illusion that leads us to seek many things out of desperation rather than want.
I cannot always share love with those as I desire to, but perhaps I can show them the greatest measure of love they will allow, forgiveness. I can respect their hurt and the confusion they have about where to go, which direction to take, which action to pursue. We have all felt lost according to our own wisdom, and in those times it helps to take comfort in faith - which is the belief that we can do things right eventually. Throughout the entirety of our lives, no matter what happens, as long as we continually strive for the best we have done well. There are dark times when we loose faith, when we don't believe in ourselves or others, when we are afraid to hope. Eventually we will come out of those times with new lessons about our lives and ourselves, and hopefully a greater confidence in our faith. As difficult as these darak times are, on the other side we can be confident that we will come out stronger, and the better for it. Believe and it will be so.

Soul

There's a hole in my soul. Thats a common line I think we've all stated in our lives, or something to that effect. The sense of incompleteness we all feel in life comes from an unfamiliarity with our souls. We don't have any idea of what it means to exist, and in that way we are cut off from the most essential part of our existence. Its easier to believe what we percieve with our senses, and it is this unfaltering belief in their absoluteness that dupes us into the greatest deception we will face in our entire lives. We often concern ourselves with being lied to, being decieved in the matters of our lives, all the time skipping over the greatest deception - our own perception. What we see, what we think, even what we feel, is so often based on something that is not real, the physical world before us. At the core of all things is a substance, an underlying energy that we all pick up to some extent, regardless of our own inclinations. Some of us tune in less, some more, but most of us do not actively focus on the energy that flows through and unites all of existence. In this sense it is not that we are cut off from our creator, we are not marooned on this wasteland of material reality, we have simply created a belief in the world that is greater than the belief in ourselves or the great spirit of the universe. It is only through knowing ourselves, the foremost and greatest connection we have with this energy, that we can begin to understand and experience the peace of all things. From the inanimate, to the living, to the air that surrounds us, energy flows through all, and it is through an intimate understanding with the very nature of our being, right here, right now, that we can gain a glimpse of that great unifying theme. Strip away thought, emotion and any assumptions about what this life is about. Just be, without searching for the life around you, and it will find you. It is a sense that comes when the noise has cleared from daily life. In the absense of everything else, the ego, agenda, separation, all that is left is the fundamental property that furthers our existence. From this base all things about us are built, and on it they subsist. By letting aside all that we have learned we can reconnect with the very essence of what it means to be. All these states of mind, all this ego, is not natural to us but we impose it upon our existence. Much of what we know to be us has been superimposed and because we believe them to be defining factors in who we are the contradiction creates an innate dissatisfaction. It is this contradiction between substance and belief, expecting the superficial to bring satisfaction to the heart when it would make more sense to seek satisfaction in the heart of our beings rather than in the superficiality of worldy experience. There is no external satisfaction for an internal lacking. Through the pursuit of character, relationships, skills, mental aptitude, materialism, or addiction, humanity attempts to satisfy that inner longing with patches that do nothing to heal the wound, but cover it up for a time until even that pleasure looses its zest. The rush of external gratification is like a drug, immensely pleasurable for a time after which it all evaporates leaving you even more aware of the hunger than you were before. The satisfaction that comes from an awareness of yourself and your place in the universe is a peace that is built upon. Day after day, you actively seek out this reconnection with the one of all things and the reward that you receive from it is proportional to your efforts, as it is with all worthwhile things we achieve in life. Happiness, joy, contentment, peace, are all cultivated within the soul, as a garden, tended and cared for through all seasons. Without regular attention to these things we may find ourselves disconnected, feeling a separation from something that we do not know. I have found meditation and yoga, preferably in the midst of nature, that gives me the greatest sense of connection. Any time I feel a disturbance or any uncertainty in life I recall myself to that place of being and realize that of all these things I impose on myself, being holds superiority and in that I find contentedness. In the sense of self there is the reassurance of unassailability, for no matter what happens in this world, as long as you live you will have that innate sense of existence, which comes above all other pleasures in this world.

Disposition

People don't like being used, or being thought of as anything less than what they truly are, on the positive side. Thinking of someone as being less than what they are on the positive side is called using, thinking of someone as less than they are on the negative side is called prejudice. You're a resource. Forget all the other things you can do, your thoughts, feelings, the way you look at the world, all that matters to them is this one thing you can do for them. If you're an actor, you entertain, if you're a woman, you give sex, if you're a mentor, you provide experience, there are many things that we all can give to the world, and being valued for only one of them, rather than having someone take the time to explore and value us as human beings can lead us to question our worth. Some people would say it makes them feel pretty shitty, or used. You could say that in a way it all comes back to self-esteem, or a knowledge of your own completeness and place in the universe. People who are users see the solution to their problems as being outside themselves. Whores seek it in sex and the attention it brings. They need someone else's validation to replace their own, but that validation will only do for so long, because it doesn't come from the right place, inside. The only way they'll feel their own worth is if they discover that it comes from the inside. The same with addicts. They find a temporary happiness in drugs, but even when its full on, they can't affect that underlying current that tells them they aren't happy. Maybe it takes the form of knowing that the happiness will end, but I think its because you may be able to fool your body, but you can't fool your soul. They recognize the source of happiness as being outside of themselves because that outside source is the closest thing to true happiness that they've ever known. Its the best handle they have on the subject. That happiness will never satisfy either because it doesn't come from the place where all of our happiness comes from - within. Happiness can be found in the moment, in every underappreciated aspect of our wonderful lives. The universe is full of beauty, wonder, and imagination, but too often we're spending our energy on things that aren't there, so that we forget the beauty right in front of us. You could call it gratitude, but before gratitude you have to have the attention to be grateful for it. There's a process in psychology called deletion. Its the phenomenon by which we ignore most of the information that is given to us. Give it a try, close your eyes and remember as many things about the room you're in as possible. Even if its your bedroom there's a good likelihood many of the things in your room you can't recall. We live our lives like this, as in a dream, so much of it slipping by our attention. Life is a dream that we all can wake up from, to live in the light of day, awakened, and perceiving in greater measure the beauty of life. If we were to willfully endure the discomfort of our own disillusionment, then we would find that the life we live has all the magic we ever wanted. So often I've lived in fantasy worlds, thought that somewhere else things could be better, but it is not those other places that are so wonderful, rather it is the attention that we give them. Believing them to be far off, unreachable, adds to the perverse appeal of them. Humans wanting what they can't have has its own masochistic pleasure. I think it can be chaulked up to many years of social programming. This is how it is and so it must be so. So much of enlightenment I have found consists of stripping away the lessons we have been taught when our heads were soft. We can still pick up so many wrong lessons using deviant forms of analysis, continuing to lead us off a path that we would have chosen had we possessed a little more understanding. We are taught by advertising and those around us that happiness is found from without, and so we spend our lives seeking it from without. It could also be due to the strength of our sensory input in relation to the strength of our inner input. We believe the world more strongly because we are hardwired into it, and spend our whole lives reeling from the shock. We are spiritual beings, and this physical form can be distracting, often times distracting us for our entire lives - lives spent in a dream. A dream that we long to wake up from. I feel like I'm in a dream remembering what it was like to be awake. The more I see of the awakened world the harder it becomes to believe the dream. It seems less and less immersive as I become less convinced of its reality. Wanting is a state we choose. We decide to place our attention on the irrelevant, and in so doing produce our unhappiness. Once we achieve the object of our aspiration, we find that that one thing had not made us happy. Oh it may for a time, as long as we devote attention to it, but this practice lasts as long as we choose for it to, and we haven't yet developed the focus that long-term gratitude requires. It is this focus of attention that makes us happy, not the object. We could focus on anything, a rock, a blade of grass, and still find the same wonder and joy in it, for the joy is not to be found in the object, but is a reflection of some greater profound experience that we don't understand, but nonetheless powerfully feel. It goes beyond the self, beyond the object, to the whole. When you see the rock, and begin to simply give attention to its existence, beyond the was and the will be, to the is, then you find that there is not so much the rock and yourself, all things simply are. It is in that profound universal connection that you find a transcendance of the concept of separation. You are not a part of the universe, but you and the universe are one. Separation is an illusion, where do we distinguish when one form flawlessly flows into another? The separation in human terms is space, or air. When air fills the gap between the two we see them as separate, without understanding the unifying nature of it all. Energy flows seamlessly. It may have variance in concentration, but it is everywhere. Happiness comes for me from recognizing this unity. When all things are whole, then fear is completely eliminated from our experience in the world. Unlearning all that we have come to understand of the world gives us the most profound experiences, and I can spend the rest of my life realizing this concept. Possessing the knowledge and realizing it are two rather different things. Separation causes us to believe in our own distinct existence. Then fear is erected to protect the sovreignty of this existence. And so in madness we attack each other, almost in an attempt to enforce the separation that is itself responsible for our pain in the first place. Its a self perpetuating cycle that spirals us to madness, a madness that grows until we break out of the cycle and realize that separation, fear, and anger all only lead to more and more of each. We call it love, I might call it unification, a belief that we are all whole, joined in ways we may not understand with our minds, but we know with our spirits. Love is what can break the cycle, fight fire with water, evil with good, fear with love. Those who hate, who are angry, need least of all another reason to be afraid, which punishment does excellently. They need to be comforted, to be shown that they don't need to fear. Sometimes that hand must be firm, but its interest should always be to reduce fear, and to increase an understanding of the unity of life. The instruction of such a profound notion is not easy. I've only begun to understand it because I've been earnestly pursuing the concept for years. All this time and with all this effort I still have a great deal to go, how then does one go about teaching one set in his path, who despises instruction? I will always be both a student and a teacher, more of a student I'd say. Teaching requires far greater mastery than I possess, but before I can teach I should understand what it is I'm to be teaching. Connection may falter, but we are all creatures in the same stream of life. I'm watching a painted veil, which speaks to my experience - I can relate. We all strive for this connection, most of us looking for it in the wrong places. Life is a process of improving our sense of it, growing in love and an understanding of our place in the universe. I love the discussion they have about normalacy. We all expect so much of each other and ourselves but we're all simply ordinary. Perfectly imperfect, beautiful and plain. Expectation is another form of separation, an assumed difference. We believe them to be better than us, or expect them to be something other than what they are, but we all simply are - without expectation, without assumption. Society is full of class, status, wealth, relationship, all the illusions we create to see ourselves as better than one another to prop up our unstable self image. But we are all on the same level. Myself and the bum who is drunk in the gutter, we are no different. We are simply together, believing in our separation. My belief in unity continues to grow. All we want is that look of affection, that smile that tells us we are accepted. The only thing that creates our separation, the only thing that breaks one element of life from all the rest of the elements is when that element shuts itself off. Like a light bulb cut off from the grid, it languishes in darkness, pining for the light it has refused. We need to feel that energy, but most of us have resistors in place. These resistors we believe will protect us, but all they do is serve to limit the ties we have to life and love. There is no death for those who devote themselves to life. We have come to equate death not with the extinguishing of life, but with the exchanging of energy. It has not gone, simply left the body. The body will in turn continue to provide life, and the soul goes on. I would love to provide comfort and love for those who suffer, even as others may not see it as suffering, but all those who bring suffering only do so because they suffer themselves. We are focused so much on our fear that we don't notice the pain they endure, and in our focus they are neglected, and continue on in their way. Worse, that fear often causes us to lash out at that person to increase their suffering. It will only be through the strength of their character that such a method will work, for the victim of such vengeance/punishment will have to convince themselves to another path through the burden of their suffering. I would rather direct them to another path by showing them another path, not increasing their suffering so much that in desperation they strike out on another path in the darkness, hoping it is the right one. Finding a way to show them another path may require more ingenuity and effort but as a method I would say its more successful, if more difficult. The only question is how? Suffering is usually what provides the leverage for us to want to change. It is THE implement of our instruction throughout our entire lives, because it is not the things which trigger the pain that are the cause of it, but the false beliefs that we hold. Most of us attempt to change the triggers, while the beliefs still fester within us, undisturbed, waiting to be triggered again. And when it happens again, we will bury the next trigger as well. Looking to the external for a solution that exists internally will never grant us the peace we desire. This requires much thought, the nature of instruction as it pertains to showing people the way of unity and exposing the pain of a belief in separation. With reflection, I can learn how to teach others these things. So I will reflect, and practice, expanding my focus and discipline so that I may manifest these teachings in every moment of my life. As I grow my world will change, and those around me will be affected by it. It seems that even in instruction, the focus remains on the self. That may be the insight I require. I cannot instruct others, only myself, and others will follow as a consequence, but first and foremost, it will have to be me. Lead by example. I will only know that these principles can bring peace and happiness when they bring me peace and happiness in my own life. So that is my mission, that is my current purpose. Enhance my discipline and focus, working towards experiencing every moment of everyday in a profound state of undivided attention. I have been living in a dream, always in other places, at other times, wanting what I do not have in the expectation that it will bring me happiness, but I know better. I can only find happiness in attention, in my recognition of the unity of the whole. I aim to explore that whole, to experience that unity in deeper and deeper ways. There is much to be said for learning in this life, which gives me purpose and meaning.

Living Compassionately

I'm trying to be a little more connected to the people around me. While many of my dreams are a ways off, and there is little I can do to realize them at present, my relationships are something that will always be right now. I can't really plan relationships, they have a tendency to just pop into our lives. One day you aren't there, then the next 'BAM' and my life is changed forever. Funny how people can do that isn't it? I knew when I met Rachel I was in for something. What I didn't know, has it been difficult? Unbelievably, but nonetheless it has made me a better person, and tested me in ways that I hadn't been tested before. Of course, Rachel isn't over, she's just on haitus. We only have two states in a relationship, one of building up and one of tearing down, but they are never gone. They contribute to who we are or they are a burden to our existence. I will continue to strive for our relationship to be better, as I will continue to strive for all of my relationships to be better. By better I mean a win/win situation, where all parties benefit from the interaction. Its not so much about an outcome as much as it is a dedication to a way of living. Its the process that counts. Many of my relationships will falter, but that doesn't mean I don't continue to strive for their betterment. I can only control my ability to communicate genuine empathy and concern, how people react to it is their responsibility, and I will only continue on in my path. Too often we allow circumstances to dictate our actions without asking the question, Is this who I want to be, Is this what I want to do? Even if someone treats us badly, with malice in their heart, it is not for us to be malicious in turn. In doing so we become the very thing that causes us so much pain, and then what are we to the world? A force for pain and suffering? I don't think anyone would want that to be their legacy. We choose who we want to be, regardless of the circumstances that confront us. You may be hurt, but that isn't an excuse for poor behaviour, its a challenge to be a better person in the face of adversity. Nothing worthwhile has ever been attained without first undergoing a measure of adversity. It is a truth that we can see demonstrated each and every day of our lives, in many ways, but we still overlook it in so many of our interactions. Do we feel the urge to push people away, to treat them harshly, even to abuse them? Sure we do, but those are only human urges, and they don't reflect any kind of higher awareness, but bring us back down to our basest levels. Following that kind of living, we can expect the kind of life that results. There is an inherent human urge to strive, to be something better, to gain an understanding of place and purpose. Those things can never be achieved while we live simply, according to our primal instincts, by the ineffective maxims of instinctive behaviour. We can only fulfill our higher calling by aspiring to a higher form of living, a higher form of being. In the pursuit of this higher existence we will begin to see the flaws in our previous ways of thinking. Its not readily apparent what you're doing wrong while you're stuck in the mud of it. You've got to get to higher ground and get a better perspective to get a better idea of how it all fits together. I've come very far, but if I want to show others how I got here, I have to give the process some consideration. Once you achieve a certain place of achievement, you tend to forget how you got there. Its so easy to forget all the work and suffering that went to getting somewhere when you're already there. All you see is the success, I suppose they call that optimism. I want to connect with people immediately. As soon as the interaction begins, I want to communicate that I care, and that I can help. In whatever capacity I interact with people, I want to let them know that I can be a force not only for friendship, but for personal betterment, someone they can look up to, someone they can lean on. I've been there many times for those in dire emotional need, its a favorite place of mine to be. Nothing makes you feel connected to another human being like adversity. It truly is a tragedy when people leave you just when things get their hardest. Not because you have to go through it alone - we all have to do that from time to time. Its because they throw away a golden opportunity to grow very close to someone. Most of my learning I've done on my own, its very rarely that two people get to undertake a great struggle and together come out changed people. Its almost as if this great changing of your life has caused the two of you to take on each others life to the extent that you were tested together, and each of you has had a direct hand in the creation of each other's being. Thats a very profound thing when you think about it. Each day we are changing, remaking ourselves anew. Some more than others. I'm a locomotive of change, every day in as many ways as I can. But when someone else is with you, and the two of you are orchestrating change, you become somehow involved in each others formation, and the two of you are tied to the extent that you've created new material in each other's minds and being. When you see people as spheres of energy and light, then its like when two spheres get so close that their energy mixes, alters and blurs, like paints on a canvas, and the very substance of your beings mixes and merges. I have a capacity for change and suffering that is very uncommon. I've never met anyone in my age group who has gone through such radical personal transformation. But this uniqueness must serve a purpose, and I will find a way to use the things I have learned, the progress I have made, to benefit others in the way it has benefited me. No gift is given to people without an intention to use it. I almost enjoy suffering. Of course it is disturbing and uncomfortable, unsettling even to the core of my being, but I chase after it, I relish in the pain with the understanding that with pain comes learning and development. With the knowledge that success comes with adversity, I have come to see adversity as a blessing, an opportunity for me to build myself up and in so doing the mechanism to help others and liberate them from a measure of error that I have already incurred and learned from - thereby saving them the mistake so that they can move on to the next level of learning in an accelerated manner. Compassion, my need to help others, should really be the driving force in all of my pursuits, and to that end I am giving a little more attention to the relationships in my life, and the people who I occupy myself with, so that I can learn to work miracles in the lives of those surrounding me. After all if I can't help those immediately surrounding myself, how do I expect to successfully help anyone else? The best place to practice my delivery of this knowledge is right here, with the people I know and love.

Love and loss

My love is always there, and while at some times I feel it stronger than others, though fear may mask it at times and bring me pain in doing so, it waits patiently until you come around. I push because I have been where you are. I have pushed people away because I was afraid of the hurt. It didn't make sense to indulge in pain, pain is bad pleasure is good, its a simple equation to deduce the quality of your relationships. But in the absence of fear, love is all that remains. Once we stop being afraid all we want to do is help, and we are confident that we can because we do not fear failure. I want to help, I don't know what will come of it, but nothing remains unaffected where people devote their focus and energy. I have been there, and I want to be forgiven for the times that I've hurt in the interest of self preservation. It is the only reason that people ever hurt each other, and while sometimes it seems more justified than others, it is all the same cause, only in varying degrees of severity. I have the very flaws, those same fears that have caused me to shun those who are prone to pain, not only to myself, but to others and themselves as well. But someone must care for the lepers. When we realize that the flaws that we blame other people for we possess as well, then it doesn't become a game of you and I, but of us. It is we, the people and all that exists that flow with the same energy, the same life of the universe. When we fear, when we imagine ourselves to be cut off from that energy, we create a separation, and we feel a break in the flow. Because we believe ourselves to be separate it becomes so, and the pain that we feel we attribute to the thing that influenced the break, when it was really our decision all along to obey that fear. Even if it was inspired by an outside event, the control was ours all along. The maelstrom may swarm about us, but we are always in our own keeping. When we believe that we are separate, then we unknowingly cut ourselves off from the flow of the universe, and we truly do become separate, and it is from that artificial separation that we have created (man has a long history of creating the artificial) that we feel our pain. But once again the simple and illogical process of association leads us to believe that it is something outside of us that causes this pain, when it is really ourselves, our own beliefs. All it takes is to realize the falsity of these beliefs to cut through the fog of illusion. Once we deny the fear, and see it as a lie, then love prevails in us. Love is connection with the all of existence, and ever flowing life. Sounds alot like life everlasting doesn't it? Maybe thats what they meant, although I wouldn't dare say for certain, my humble consciousness has only begun to explore ourselves as creatures. Love means recognizing the innate life of all that exists, and nurturing it, as a gardener does his garden, each day, with the nourishment of attention. All that requires in our life is to give those things around us the attention they need, and they will flower and grow into incredible things. All things are beautiful, they only wait for us to open our eyes to appreciate them.
Fear is a peculiar thing in the human mind. What it could be described as, where it comes from, and why people persist in believing in it are all questions that merit immense consideration. It could be that what we are told by our senses and by the world is so much easier to believe than what we know in our hearts. That little voice inside of requires stillness to hear, and most of the times our lives are filled with so much noise that it makes it hard to hear. I think that the reason our lives are so distraught is that we spend so much of it blocking out that little voice that tells us things are better. Again fear prevents us from pursuing that voice. Is it the fear of failure? fear of the unknown? For each its different I suppose. Maybe its that we're afraid to think that what our inner self tells us might be right. I know thats what I think. I'm always trying to justify some measure of violence in my mind, or self defense as they call it. Ghandi said it isn't so much about submitting as much as it is about having the courage to pursue your course through the pain inflicted by others onto you. That pain is only a reflection of the pain they feel inside, which they spread to you because it boils within them to the point of spilling over. If anything these people need it isn't more pain, its the temperature turned down. They have to be given a little love, to be shown that they don't need to be afraid. There IS so much pain in the world, so many people using their fear to hurt others and justifying it because they are not only afraid of being hurt but also of being wrong. At every turn fear has a way to turn us into something we aren't, constantly diverting us from our true path with blows that skew our sense of direction. We are constantly using every reasoning we have to keep that fear in place because we're afraid of what would happen if we didn't. Its an eternally perpetuating cycle. We do it because we're trying to read the noise, the static that the world is always blasting at us, but all we have to pay attention to is that little voice. It will tell us where to go, it knows. Maybe it is the voice of all things. There are many causes I am willing to die for, but none that I am willing to kill for. - Ghandi. I do not know what will happen to my earthly existence if I do not use fear to protect myself, but I do know what will happen to my spirit. We all die eventually, but our spirit will live on. Why would we taint the permanent for the sake of the temporary? I can be at peace with enduring suffering while allowing love to thrive in my heart, but I am not sure that I am willing to allow the spirit of fear and suffering to possess me for even a moment, knowing what I would become. I am only a single implement in this world, and while I want to help those who are close to my heart, the entire universe is also a teacher. While I cannot reach them, eventually experience in their relationships will show them that they reap what they sow. Whatever we bring to the world the world brings back to us. Hopefully they will learn sooner than later. But then again hopefully will the world. Life is all of our teacher, and we are here to learn. If we want the world to be a loving caring place then we must give that love and care at every opportunity, and be wary of those opportunities, which present themselves at every moment. Even a moment of violence will have that violence explode into the world in ways that we aren't prepared to handle. We can never know the full effect of our actions on the world, and I would rather give out something that I want brought back to me. I guess thats what it means, Do unto others...
I can strive only for myself. The world is out of my keeping. I will continue to express the voice of love, patient and gently urging those back to the fold who have strayed because they were afraid of something. Fear can be very convincing sometimes, but itis the only thing that keeps us separated. The illusion of separation is all that keeps us apart, and the more I realize this, the more wonderful insights and understandings come my way. I hope to show other's the beauty of allowing yourself to express yourself in the most giving manner, but it isn't exactly something that can be communicated in words. You have to feel it for yourself. Once you feel the twinge of that security, that benevolence without limit, you're hooked. You know what you want that for the rest of your life, for everyone, as long as you can give to it, because love will give to you. Being in harmony, and with the flow of life, rather than the flow of death, opens the universe to you, but death is the end of things. Love is something that can't be forced, and from time to time I find myself frustrated when people are so willing to visit pain on each other, but then I remember that it is only a reflection of their inner pain, a pain that we have all felt. When I am in that way, I wish for guidance and understanding, and that those who suffer would bring it to my attention. In that way I want those things in times of error, I can give those things to those who are in error in my life. I can show them a better way, not just the wrongs, so that they are encouraged to a path that creates healing, that is driven to good, and not the division that hurts us all. We all possess the same infirmities, only in variance of degree, but I have felt the fear that promotes separation and violence and I know how posessive it can be, how quickly you can be driven to madness. We all want the same thing, we all want peace, we all want harmony and joy. Most times we just go about it in an inefficient manner, and all that is required is to stop, reflect, and try again. With confidence and courage we can improve in our pursuit of these things, growing their presence in our lives as time goes on. We all need love to sustain us, and when we don't have it we languish in the outer darkness. It is not some pain inflicted on us by an outside element, as we so often believe it to be, but it is inflicted upon ourselves. When we cut ourselves off, then we become our own worst enemies, all the while blaming something else for the pain we feel. Until we realize the source of the problem the solution will eternally elude us. And the source is ourselves. It is our own misconceptions regarding separation that bring us into our own pain. In realizing our place within the whole we become convinced of our own worth, and subsequently have no fear because ourselves we cannot be threatened. The body may die, and fear may threaten, but the essence of our being is unassailable. So much of what contrives our dysfunction comes from us being out of touch with our place in all things, an unawareness of what we are. This unknowing of what we are can lead to endless crisis regarding our destination because we have no knowledge of our origin. You have to know where you are before you can know how to get where you're going. Realizing my place in the universe as an invaluable part of all things, possessing in some measure my own divinity, has given me a confidence regarding my own self worth, which helps me to operate without fear. Of course I am only on the journey, but the realization of such knowledge becomes easier once you have it. Most people are so hopelessly immersed in an idea of their own individuality, holding it as their prime value, without seeing how much of their essence such boxes limit them to. The power presented to a being separated from the whole is far more limited than one who recognizes his place in the whole, and because of that has the energy of all things at his disposal, to some extent. There is much for me to learn here, it can be quite overwhelming.
There is still fear within me from time to time, when the stimuli of the world divert my focus, I once again find myself returning to that separation that brings me pain. Realizing peace, harmony, and connectivity is an exercise in discipline - maintaining an awareness of your connectedness to all things in spite of all the urges to deviate. Many things can happen that bring up old associations, old convictions, and old ways of thinking that my ever changing awareness outgrows with every expansion of my understanding. It has been said that whatever we do not pay for in attention, we pay for in pain. Giving attention to the universe, the simple effort of recognizing its connection to us can make all the difference in the world. How many of us feel appreciated just by being acknowledged? It is the connection that we call love that feeds us, while the separation that we call fear starves us of the very life that sustains our being. I will be a force that feeds the universe, bringing light and nourishment to all I encounter. I will deviate from time to time, but with forgiveness and a recognition that we are all on our way to personal betterment, I will bring myself forward to a new realization. All failure leads to success. I would say that there is no failure, but rather, All things work together for good to them that love God. A valuable lesson if we were ever to hold one dearly in times of trouble and utmostly comforting. There is no path I can turn down that will lead to my destruction, for I am safe in the security of my being.