Love Expectancy

I used to feel frustrated with people's lack of compassion. With Rachel and Amanda, I would give them my unconditional love, and expect the same thing in return. That's just how things work right? Oddly enough it was my expectancy that love was the same for everyone, but like anything else in life, love comes in degrees. Not everyone appreciates people without qualifying them. Most are out to see what they can get out of love. The whole idea of giving and caring because we are all one universal being, or because love is better than apathy, is not a universal one. All this time I think I've been living in a world all my own. It seems that an idea of universal, unconditional love is actually not very common in the Western world. There's an expectation to think What can love do for me? Which is ironically contradictory to how I would see love. Love for me bursts from the pores because I feel it for all, and it is that affinity that helps me to think of the world in a more positive, less threatening light. Most people are somehow afraid of the world as well. Their decisions are based more on what they don't want than what they do want, and as a result they never get the life they wanted.
I wanted Rachel and Amanda to love me unconditionally, in the way that I love them, to have that true love that comes from recognizing a fellow being with all the same rights and many of the same basic desires that we all have. But I have recently come to realize that this understanding of love and the universe is not a common one. Sure we hear it all the time in religious doctrine and most of us know in our heads at least that that's how things should be done, but when it comes to our lives, so few of us really understand the practical application of the concept, in thought and deed.
The frustration I feel comes from an expectancy, and a want, that has not been fulfilled. But its like fighting against reality - you can either deny it and make yourself miserable with your delusions, or you can recognize and assess the problem and face it as it really is. Neither of them love me to the extent I had hoped, thats out there, its the way it is. What can I do in light of this information? Continue to be open, to approach them gently, in the hopes of helping them to expand their ability for love and compassion and thereby the quality of their lives. For it is by the expression of compassion that we find the most deep and enduring happiness. But that is an ultimate goal. Before they can achieve that higher level of spiritual knowledge, I can simply fulfill the role of a caring person, someone who is there to listen, and enhance the feeling of connection we all desire.
Apparently this higher spiritual realization of love is quite a significant thing to learn and not nearly as popular as I had thought it was. That probably comes from a fallacy in my own thinking. We all see the world as we are, not as it is, and so I have used my thinking to attempt to understandn other people's thinking. When I bring my knowledge of love as unwavering and steadfast into my analysis of people's behaviour, then of course their actions are bewildering. But almost all of us would consider this love an almost miraculous thing, something they only talk about in fairy tales, but for me it is an everyday reality. I don't know why I was born with such an immense compassion. I've been like this since I can remember. But with this in mind it would make sense that Rachel and Amanda would doubt my good intentions, for the love that I have for them is something they've never experienced and probably something they don't beleive exists, because it doesn't exist within them. We tend to fear and doubt anything that we don't fully comprehend, its just human nature. In order for us to understand anything we have to understand it within ourselves, and we have to strive for that understanding, but to understand something from without - especially when we don't want to, is pretty impossible. All of our understandings of these complex notions come from a deep knowledge of the self, because it is from the self that we interact with the universe.
Rather than feel proud or accomplished for attaining this understanding of love that is so uncommon, I feel an immense obligation to bring it to others. We conduct ourselves in so much fear and anger and then we wonder why we feel so terrible. These behaviours are caustic to the soul, and yet to most of us, they are a matter of day to day existence. As a people we are slowly poisoning ourselves. We don't make reaching out and helping people a part of our lives, and then wonder why we feel lonely and disconnected. There seems to be an attitude that compassion is a matter of sacrifice, that you have to give something up in order to be compassionate. I would say that compassion is a matter of receiving, good health, a better attitude, a happier existence. The benefits we get from living a compassionate life are worth far more than what most of us put into it. Like anything in life that you build to incredible results, cultivating love and compassion in your being brings elation and a sense of purpose. When we hold onto bitterness and anger, it eats away at our very souls.
Error is the way of our existence, and all those who suffer - I hope that their suffering is not in vain, that someday they will reflect on the results of their decisions regarding themselves and see the pain their thought and actions cause and turn from those destructive ways. Maybe thats what it means when He said, Repent and sin no more. To sin literally means to miss the mark. Most of us want happiness, we just spend the entirety of our lives looking for it in the wrong places, chasing it in phantoms. The way to build a happy soul is to cultivate those attitudes that lift you up, and reduce those that bring you down. The construction of happiness comes from within, not from without, and that may be where most people miss the mark.
Above all we are all human, with the same desire for happiness, and the same rights across the world. Beyond that there is an affinity for all things. When we see each other as the same, no one better or different from the other in the most important ways, then we take a big step towards realizing our own compassion - placing ourselves as equals. When we see ourselves as the same we no longer judge, and we begin to approach things as though we ourselves were shouldering their burden. This is closer to the truth, for we are all the same being bearing the same burden of suffering, and by eliminating any suffering in the world we help in some way to reduce the suffering of all.
All there is for me to do is to actively engage myself in empathy with this world. In so doing I hope that someday Amanda and Rachel will realize some of the love that I have for them, even if they may not comprehend its entirety. We all want to be connected, to feel a part of the whole, and to cut anyone off, especially if they are suffering, seems cruel to me. Those most caustic elements of society are those most in need of compassion, for it is their separation that causes the pain which drives their destructive habits. Not all of us strive for betterment, most of us just try to get by. I believe things can be better, and I believe that I have a role to play in that. We are all given gifts to use them, and it seems that mine are destined to help people. That is what I will strive for.