Maintaining Compassion

When others treat us bad, we are inclined to respond in kind. Their projection finds reflection in us, and we must magnify it, out do them, in order to feel safe. The thought erupts that if we just do this thing, get back at them, then our urge will be satisfied and we will no longer have these feelings, but often is the case when we find our revenge at hand and we are not sated. Through justification we have excused our malicious intentions, but once they have played out, we find that the justification was a veiled deception, deceiving us from the true nature of our intent. We did not intend to do harm for good, or to achieve a sense of justice, but because we chose to do harm. It becomes a state of mind that we choose, even though many of us are not actively aware that we have chosen it, we feel its pull, and assume that it is natural, that it is genuine, that it is 'us'. If we were only to question, to give attention to this automated process of reflection, then we would see a process that is not inspired by our true desires, but by an automated mechanism, instinct, meant to preserve the human, but not their humanity. As subjects of environmental programming, the vast majority of us do not even question the values and beliefs that we have taken from our environment. For Rachel and Amanda grew up in homes full of violence and retribution, and because that is the world they grew up in, they have accepted those values at a time when they were not concious enough to question them. Yet the presence of these values remains, and will until they actively give them attention and question them. If we were to all question our values we would discover that many of them do not serve us well. The call for revenge, often confused with justice, only serves to fill its holder with malice and poisons every breath they take. Hate is little more than a madness, a disruption of the very core of our being. It can be categorized purely in that fashion, as destroying the proper functioning of a system and allowing thoughts and actions which would in no way be reasonable to a sound mind, to be justified and even encouraged. When those around us display this madness, we feel the stress and discomfort it brings, and like ripples in the water we are compelled to be influenced by them, but unlike all other creatures in the natural order of things, we are not bound to respond according to our environments, but have an underlying current of will - conciousness - that gives us the power to choose our reactions, to decide for ourselves the state of our mind, rather than allowing it to be dictated to us by fate.
In the face of disunion, I would rather choose to be a compassionate person, despite the expressions of anger, fear, and revulsion given by those I love. We all say that we would like things to be perfect, that we would like to get along, but very few of us are willing to drop our grudges, forget our old divisions, and create a healed and unified future. When they turn to strife, I will turn to unity, and that I all that remains in my power to do. The only way to bring the values into the world that we desire to see is to exemplify them with the only engine we have full control over - ourselves. If I want my relationships to be healed, to be loving and compassionate, giving, and caring, then I must represent those values within myself, in my thoughts, feelings, and actions. While most of us will respond in the only way that seems natural to us, according to those values we learned at a young age, we find very little awareness is given to the processes which we take for granted. Amanda will tell you all day long how she wishes the world were a better place, how she values love and forgiveness, but when the real tests come, she responds in the manner that she was taught as child, with violence, with anger, callousness and distance. If only she paid enough attention to see that the way she is creates the world around her, then she would change her ways, but because the process occurs unconsciously for her, she doesn't even question it, all she knows is that she despises the feelings, without knowing where they come from. Wow so much of this was completely unknown to me just a few months ago. How much more is there for me to learn?