Soul

There's a hole in my soul. Thats a common line I think we've all stated in our lives, or something to that effect. The sense of incompleteness we all feel in life comes from an unfamiliarity with our souls. We don't have any idea of what it means to exist, and in that way we are cut off from the most essential part of our existence. Its easier to believe what we percieve with our senses, and it is this unfaltering belief in their absoluteness that dupes us into the greatest deception we will face in our entire lives. We often concern ourselves with being lied to, being decieved in the matters of our lives, all the time skipping over the greatest deception - our own perception. What we see, what we think, even what we feel, is so often based on something that is not real, the physical world before us. At the core of all things is a substance, an underlying energy that we all pick up to some extent, regardless of our own inclinations. Some of us tune in less, some more, but most of us do not actively focus on the energy that flows through and unites all of existence. In this sense it is not that we are cut off from our creator, we are not marooned on this wasteland of material reality, we have simply created a belief in the world that is greater than the belief in ourselves or the great spirit of the universe. It is only through knowing ourselves, the foremost and greatest connection we have with this energy, that we can begin to understand and experience the peace of all things. From the inanimate, to the living, to the air that surrounds us, energy flows through all, and it is through an intimate understanding with the very nature of our being, right here, right now, that we can gain a glimpse of that great unifying theme. Strip away thought, emotion and any assumptions about what this life is about. Just be, without searching for the life around you, and it will find you. It is a sense that comes when the noise has cleared from daily life. In the absense of everything else, the ego, agenda, separation, all that is left is the fundamental property that furthers our existence. From this base all things about us are built, and on it they subsist. By letting aside all that we have learned we can reconnect with the very essence of what it means to be. All these states of mind, all this ego, is not natural to us but we impose it upon our existence. Much of what we know to be us has been superimposed and because we believe them to be defining factors in who we are the contradiction creates an innate dissatisfaction. It is this contradiction between substance and belief, expecting the superficial to bring satisfaction to the heart when it would make more sense to seek satisfaction in the heart of our beings rather than in the superficiality of worldy experience. There is no external satisfaction for an internal lacking. Through the pursuit of character, relationships, skills, mental aptitude, materialism, or addiction, humanity attempts to satisfy that inner longing with patches that do nothing to heal the wound, but cover it up for a time until even that pleasure looses its zest. The rush of external gratification is like a drug, immensely pleasurable for a time after which it all evaporates leaving you even more aware of the hunger than you were before. The satisfaction that comes from an awareness of yourself and your place in the universe is a peace that is built upon. Day after day, you actively seek out this reconnection with the one of all things and the reward that you receive from it is proportional to your efforts, as it is with all worthwhile things we achieve in life. Happiness, joy, contentment, peace, are all cultivated within the soul, as a garden, tended and cared for through all seasons. Without regular attention to these things we may find ourselves disconnected, feeling a separation from something that we do not know. I have found meditation and yoga, preferably in the midst of nature, that gives me the greatest sense of connection. Any time I feel a disturbance or any uncertainty in life I recall myself to that place of being and realize that of all these things I impose on myself, being holds superiority and in that I find contentedness. In the sense of self there is the reassurance of unassailability, for no matter what happens in this world, as long as you live you will have that innate sense of existence, which comes above all other pleasures in this world.

Disposition

People don't like being used, or being thought of as anything less than what they truly are, on the positive side. Thinking of someone as being less than what they are on the positive side is called using, thinking of someone as less than they are on the negative side is called prejudice. You're a resource. Forget all the other things you can do, your thoughts, feelings, the way you look at the world, all that matters to them is this one thing you can do for them. If you're an actor, you entertain, if you're a woman, you give sex, if you're a mentor, you provide experience, there are many things that we all can give to the world, and being valued for only one of them, rather than having someone take the time to explore and value us as human beings can lead us to question our worth. Some people would say it makes them feel pretty shitty, or used. You could say that in a way it all comes back to self-esteem, or a knowledge of your own completeness and place in the universe. People who are users see the solution to their problems as being outside themselves. Whores seek it in sex and the attention it brings. They need someone else's validation to replace their own, but that validation will only do for so long, because it doesn't come from the right place, inside. The only way they'll feel their own worth is if they discover that it comes from the inside. The same with addicts. They find a temporary happiness in drugs, but even when its full on, they can't affect that underlying current that tells them they aren't happy. Maybe it takes the form of knowing that the happiness will end, but I think its because you may be able to fool your body, but you can't fool your soul. They recognize the source of happiness as being outside of themselves because that outside source is the closest thing to true happiness that they've ever known. Its the best handle they have on the subject. That happiness will never satisfy either because it doesn't come from the place where all of our happiness comes from - within. Happiness can be found in the moment, in every underappreciated aspect of our wonderful lives. The universe is full of beauty, wonder, and imagination, but too often we're spending our energy on things that aren't there, so that we forget the beauty right in front of us. You could call it gratitude, but before gratitude you have to have the attention to be grateful for it. There's a process in psychology called deletion. Its the phenomenon by which we ignore most of the information that is given to us. Give it a try, close your eyes and remember as many things about the room you're in as possible. Even if its your bedroom there's a good likelihood many of the things in your room you can't recall. We live our lives like this, as in a dream, so much of it slipping by our attention. Life is a dream that we all can wake up from, to live in the light of day, awakened, and perceiving in greater measure the beauty of life. If we were to willfully endure the discomfort of our own disillusionment, then we would find that the life we live has all the magic we ever wanted. So often I've lived in fantasy worlds, thought that somewhere else things could be better, but it is not those other places that are so wonderful, rather it is the attention that we give them. Believing them to be far off, unreachable, adds to the perverse appeal of them. Humans wanting what they can't have has its own masochistic pleasure. I think it can be chaulked up to many years of social programming. This is how it is and so it must be so. So much of enlightenment I have found consists of stripping away the lessons we have been taught when our heads were soft. We can still pick up so many wrong lessons using deviant forms of analysis, continuing to lead us off a path that we would have chosen had we possessed a little more understanding. We are taught by advertising and those around us that happiness is found from without, and so we spend our lives seeking it from without. It could also be due to the strength of our sensory input in relation to the strength of our inner input. We believe the world more strongly because we are hardwired into it, and spend our whole lives reeling from the shock. We are spiritual beings, and this physical form can be distracting, often times distracting us for our entire lives - lives spent in a dream. A dream that we long to wake up from. I feel like I'm in a dream remembering what it was like to be awake. The more I see of the awakened world the harder it becomes to believe the dream. It seems less and less immersive as I become less convinced of its reality. Wanting is a state we choose. We decide to place our attention on the irrelevant, and in so doing produce our unhappiness. Once we achieve the object of our aspiration, we find that that one thing had not made us happy. Oh it may for a time, as long as we devote attention to it, but this practice lasts as long as we choose for it to, and we haven't yet developed the focus that long-term gratitude requires. It is this focus of attention that makes us happy, not the object. We could focus on anything, a rock, a blade of grass, and still find the same wonder and joy in it, for the joy is not to be found in the object, but is a reflection of some greater profound experience that we don't understand, but nonetheless powerfully feel. It goes beyond the self, beyond the object, to the whole. When you see the rock, and begin to simply give attention to its existence, beyond the was and the will be, to the is, then you find that there is not so much the rock and yourself, all things simply are. It is in that profound universal connection that you find a transcendance of the concept of separation. You are not a part of the universe, but you and the universe are one. Separation is an illusion, where do we distinguish when one form flawlessly flows into another? The separation in human terms is space, or air. When air fills the gap between the two we see them as separate, without understanding the unifying nature of it all. Energy flows seamlessly. It may have variance in concentration, but it is everywhere. Happiness comes for me from recognizing this unity. When all things are whole, then fear is completely eliminated from our experience in the world. Unlearning all that we have come to understand of the world gives us the most profound experiences, and I can spend the rest of my life realizing this concept. Possessing the knowledge and realizing it are two rather different things. Separation causes us to believe in our own distinct existence. Then fear is erected to protect the sovreignty of this existence. And so in madness we attack each other, almost in an attempt to enforce the separation that is itself responsible for our pain in the first place. Its a self perpetuating cycle that spirals us to madness, a madness that grows until we break out of the cycle and realize that separation, fear, and anger all only lead to more and more of each. We call it love, I might call it unification, a belief that we are all whole, joined in ways we may not understand with our minds, but we know with our spirits. Love is what can break the cycle, fight fire with water, evil with good, fear with love. Those who hate, who are angry, need least of all another reason to be afraid, which punishment does excellently. They need to be comforted, to be shown that they don't need to fear. Sometimes that hand must be firm, but its interest should always be to reduce fear, and to increase an understanding of the unity of life. The instruction of such a profound notion is not easy. I've only begun to understand it because I've been earnestly pursuing the concept for years. All this time and with all this effort I still have a great deal to go, how then does one go about teaching one set in his path, who despises instruction? I will always be both a student and a teacher, more of a student I'd say. Teaching requires far greater mastery than I possess, but before I can teach I should understand what it is I'm to be teaching. Connection may falter, but we are all creatures in the same stream of life. I'm watching a painted veil, which speaks to my experience - I can relate. We all strive for this connection, most of us looking for it in the wrong places. Life is a process of improving our sense of it, growing in love and an understanding of our place in the universe. I love the discussion they have about normalacy. We all expect so much of each other and ourselves but we're all simply ordinary. Perfectly imperfect, beautiful and plain. Expectation is another form of separation, an assumed difference. We believe them to be better than us, or expect them to be something other than what they are, but we all simply are - without expectation, without assumption. Society is full of class, status, wealth, relationship, all the illusions we create to see ourselves as better than one another to prop up our unstable self image. But we are all on the same level. Myself and the bum who is drunk in the gutter, we are no different. We are simply together, believing in our separation. My belief in unity continues to grow. All we want is that look of affection, that smile that tells us we are accepted. The only thing that creates our separation, the only thing that breaks one element of life from all the rest of the elements is when that element shuts itself off. Like a light bulb cut off from the grid, it languishes in darkness, pining for the light it has refused. We need to feel that energy, but most of us have resistors in place. These resistors we believe will protect us, but all they do is serve to limit the ties we have to life and love. There is no death for those who devote themselves to life. We have come to equate death not with the extinguishing of life, but with the exchanging of energy. It has not gone, simply left the body. The body will in turn continue to provide life, and the soul goes on. I would love to provide comfort and love for those who suffer, even as others may not see it as suffering, but all those who bring suffering only do so because they suffer themselves. We are focused so much on our fear that we don't notice the pain they endure, and in our focus they are neglected, and continue on in their way. Worse, that fear often causes us to lash out at that person to increase their suffering. It will only be through the strength of their character that such a method will work, for the victim of such vengeance/punishment will have to convince themselves to another path through the burden of their suffering. I would rather direct them to another path by showing them another path, not increasing their suffering so much that in desperation they strike out on another path in the darkness, hoping it is the right one. Finding a way to show them another path may require more ingenuity and effort but as a method I would say its more successful, if more difficult. The only question is how? Suffering is usually what provides the leverage for us to want to change. It is THE implement of our instruction throughout our entire lives, because it is not the things which trigger the pain that are the cause of it, but the false beliefs that we hold. Most of us attempt to change the triggers, while the beliefs still fester within us, undisturbed, waiting to be triggered again. And when it happens again, we will bury the next trigger as well. Looking to the external for a solution that exists internally will never grant us the peace we desire. This requires much thought, the nature of instruction as it pertains to showing people the way of unity and exposing the pain of a belief in separation. With reflection, I can learn how to teach others these things. So I will reflect, and practice, expanding my focus and discipline so that I may manifest these teachings in every moment of my life. As I grow my world will change, and those around me will be affected by it. It seems that even in instruction, the focus remains on the self. That may be the insight I require. I cannot instruct others, only myself, and others will follow as a consequence, but first and foremost, it will have to be me. Lead by example. I will only know that these principles can bring peace and happiness when they bring me peace and happiness in my own life. So that is my mission, that is my current purpose. Enhance my discipline and focus, working towards experiencing every moment of everyday in a profound state of undivided attention. I have been living in a dream, always in other places, at other times, wanting what I do not have in the expectation that it will bring me happiness, but I know better. I can only find happiness in attention, in my recognition of the unity of the whole. I aim to explore that whole, to experience that unity in deeper and deeper ways. There is much to be said for learning in this life, which gives me purpose and meaning.

Living Compassionately

I'm trying to be a little more connected to the people around me. While many of my dreams are a ways off, and there is little I can do to realize them at present, my relationships are something that will always be right now. I can't really plan relationships, they have a tendency to just pop into our lives. One day you aren't there, then the next 'BAM' and my life is changed forever. Funny how people can do that isn't it? I knew when I met Rachel I was in for something. What I didn't know, has it been difficult? Unbelievably, but nonetheless it has made me a better person, and tested me in ways that I hadn't been tested before. Of course, Rachel isn't over, she's just on haitus. We only have two states in a relationship, one of building up and one of tearing down, but they are never gone. They contribute to who we are or they are a burden to our existence. I will continue to strive for our relationship to be better, as I will continue to strive for all of my relationships to be better. By better I mean a win/win situation, where all parties benefit from the interaction. Its not so much about an outcome as much as it is a dedication to a way of living. Its the process that counts. Many of my relationships will falter, but that doesn't mean I don't continue to strive for their betterment. I can only control my ability to communicate genuine empathy and concern, how people react to it is their responsibility, and I will only continue on in my path. Too often we allow circumstances to dictate our actions without asking the question, Is this who I want to be, Is this what I want to do? Even if someone treats us badly, with malice in their heart, it is not for us to be malicious in turn. In doing so we become the very thing that causes us so much pain, and then what are we to the world? A force for pain and suffering? I don't think anyone would want that to be their legacy. We choose who we want to be, regardless of the circumstances that confront us. You may be hurt, but that isn't an excuse for poor behaviour, its a challenge to be a better person in the face of adversity. Nothing worthwhile has ever been attained without first undergoing a measure of adversity. It is a truth that we can see demonstrated each and every day of our lives, in many ways, but we still overlook it in so many of our interactions. Do we feel the urge to push people away, to treat them harshly, even to abuse them? Sure we do, but those are only human urges, and they don't reflect any kind of higher awareness, but bring us back down to our basest levels. Following that kind of living, we can expect the kind of life that results. There is an inherent human urge to strive, to be something better, to gain an understanding of place and purpose. Those things can never be achieved while we live simply, according to our primal instincts, by the ineffective maxims of instinctive behaviour. We can only fulfill our higher calling by aspiring to a higher form of living, a higher form of being. In the pursuit of this higher existence we will begin to see the flaws in our previous ways of thinking. Its not readily apparent what you're doing wrong while you're stuck in the mud of it. You've got to get to higher ground and get a better perspective to get a better idea of how it all fits together. I've come very far, but if I want to show others how I got here, I have to give the process some consideration. Once you achieve a certain place of achievement, you tend to forget how you got there. Its so easy to forget all the work and suffering that went to getting somewhere when you're already there. All you see is the success, I suppose they call that optimism. I want to connect with people immediately. As soon as the interaction begins, I want to communicate that I care, and that I can help. In whatever capacity I interact with people, I want to let them know that I can be a force not only for friendship, but for personal betterment, someone they can look up to, someone they can lean on. I've been there many times for those in dire emotional need, its a favorite place of mine to be. Nothing makes you feel connected to another human being like adversity. It truly is a tragedy when people leave you just when things get their hardest. Not because you have to go through it alone - we all have to do that from time to time. Its because they throw away a golden opportunity to grow very close to someone. Most of my learning I've done on my own, its very rarely that two people get to undertake a great struggle and together come out changed people. Its almost as if this great changing of your life has caused the two of you to take on each others life to the extent that you were tested together, and each of you has had a direct hand in the creation of each other's being. Thats a very profound thing when you think about it. Each day we are changing, remaking ourselves anew. Some more than others. I'm a locomotive of change, every day in as many ways as I can. But when someone else is with you, and the two of you are orchestrating change, you become somehow involved in each others formation, and the two of you are tied to the extent that you've created new material in each other's minds and being. When you see people as spheres of energy and light, then its like when two spheres get so close that their energy mixes, alters and blurs, like paints on a canvas, and the very substance of your beings mixes and merges. I have a capacity for change and suffering that is very uncommon. I've never met anyone in my age group who has gone through such radical personal transformation. But this uniqueness must serve a purpose, and I will find a way to use the things I have learned, the progress I have made, to benefit others in the way it has benefited me. No gift is given to people without an intention to use it. I almost enjoy suffering. Of course it is disturbing and uncomfortable, unsettling even to the core of my being, but I chase after it, I relish in the pain with the understanding that with pain comes learning and development. With the knowledge that success comes with adversity, I have come to see adversity as a blessing, an opportunity for me to build myself up and in so doing the mechanism to help others and liberate them from a measure of error that I have already incurred and learned from - thereby saving them the mistake so that they can move on to the next level of learning in an accelerated manner. Compassion, my need to help others, should really be the driving force in all of my pursuits, and to that end I am giving a little more attention to the relationships in my life, and the people who I occupy myself with, so that I can learn to work miracles in the lives of those surrounding me. After all if I can't help those immediately surrounding myself, how do I expect to successfully help anyone else? The best place to practice my delivery of this knowledge is right here, with the people I know and love.

Love and loss

My love is always there, and while at some times I feel it stronger than others, though fear may mask it at times and bring me pain in doing so, it waits patiently until you come around. I push because I have been where you are. I have pushed people away because I was afraid of the hurt. It didn't make sense to indulge in pain, pain is bad pleasure is good, its a simple equation to deduce the quality of your relationships. But in the absence of fear, love is all that remains. Once we stop being afraid all we want to do is help, and we are confident that we can because we do not fear failure. I want to help, I don't know what will come of it, but nothing remains unaffected where people devote their focus and energy. I have been there, and I want to be forgiven for the times that I've hurt in the interest of self preservation. It is the only reason that people ever hurt each other, and while sometimes it seems more justified than others, it is all the same cause, only in varying degrees of severity. I have the very flaws, those same fears that have caused me to shun those who are prone to pain, not only to myself, but to others and themselves as well. But someone must care for the lepers. When we realize that the flaws that we blame other people for we possess as well, then it doesn't become a game of you and I, but of us. It is we, the people and all that exists that flow with the same energy, the same life of the universe. When we fear, when we imagine ourselves to be cut off from that energy, we create a separation, and we feel a break in the flow. Because we believe ourselves to be separate it becomes so, and the pain that we feel we attribute to the thing that influenced the break, when it was really our decision all along to obey that fear. Even if it was inspired by an outside event, the control was ours all along. The maelstrom may swarm about us, but we are always in our own keeping. When we believe that we are separate, then we unknowingly cut ourselves off from the flow of the universe, and we truly do become separate, and it is from that artificial separation that we have created (man has a long history of creating the artificial) that we feel our pain. But once again the simple and illogical process of association leads us to believe that it is something outside of us that causes this pain, when it is really ourselves, our own beliefs. All it takes is to realize the falsity of these beliefs to cut through the fog of illusion. Once we deny the fear, and see it as a lie, then love prevails in us. Love is connection with the all of existence, and ever flowing life. Sounds alot like life everlasting doesn't it? Maybe thats what they meant, although I wouldn't dare say for certain, my humble consciousness has only begun to explore ourselves as creatures. Love means recognizing the innate life of all that exists, and nurturing it, as a gardener does his garden, each day, with the nourishment of attention. All that requires in our life is to give those things around us the attention they need, and they will flower and grow into incredible things. All things are beautiful, they only wait for us to open our eyes to appreciate them.
Fear is a peculiar thing in the human mind. What it could be described as, where it comes from, and why people persist in believing in it are all questions that merit immense consideration. It could be that what we are told by our senses and by the world is so much easier to believe than what we know in our hearts. That little voice inside of requires stillness to hear, and most of the times our lives are filled with so much noise that it makes it hard to hear. I think that the reason our lives are so distraught is that we spend so much of it blocking out that little voice that tells us things are better. Again fear prevents us from pursuing that voice. Is it the fear of failure? fear of the unknown? For each its different I suppose. Maybe its that we're afraid to think that what our inner self tells us might be right. I know thats what I think. I'm always trying to justify some measure of violence in my mind, or self defense as they call it. Ghandi said it isn't so much about submitting as much as it is about having the courage to pursue your course through the pain inflicted by others onto you. That pain is only a reflection of the pain they feel inside, which they spread to you because it boils within them to the point of spilling over. If anything these people need it isn't more pain, its the temperature turned down. They have to be given a little love, to be shown that they don't need to be afraid. There IS so much pain in the world, so many people using their fear to hurt others and justifying it because they are not only afraid of being hurt but also of being wrong. At every turn fear has a way to turn us into something we aren't, constantly diverting us from our true path with blows that skew our sense of direction. We are constantly using every reasoning we have to keep that fear in place because we're afraid of what would happen if we didn't. Its an eternally perpetuating cycle. We do it because we're trying to read the noise, the static that the world is always blasting at us, but all we have to pay attention to is that little voice. It will tell us where to go, it knows. Maybe it is the voice of all things. There are many causes I am willing to die for, but none that I am willing to kill for. - Ghandi. I do not know what will happen to my earthly existence if I do not use fear to protect myself, but I do know what will happen to my spirit. We all die eventually, but our spirit will live on. Why would we taint the permanent for the sake of the temporary? I can be at peace with enduring suffering while allowing love to thrive in my heart, but I am not sure that I am willing to allow the spirit of fear and suffering to possess me for even a moment, knowing what I would become. I am only a single implement in this world, and while I want to help those who are close to my heart, the entire universe is also a teacher. While I cannot reach them, eventually experience in their relationships will show them that they reap what they sow. Whatever we bring to the world the world brings back to us. Hopefully they will learn sooner than later. But then again hopefully will the world. Life is all of our teacher, and we are here to learn. If we want the world to be a loving caring place then we must give that love and care at every opportunity, and be wary of those opportunities, which present themselves at every moment. Even a moment of violence will have that violence explode into the world in ways that we aren't prepared to handle. We can never know the full effect of our actions on the world, and I would rather give out something that I want brought back to me. I guess thats what it means, Do unto others...
I can strive only for myself. The world is out of my keeping. I will continue to express the voice of love, patient and gently urging those back to the fold who have strayed because they were afraid of something. Fear can be very convincing sometimes, but itis the only thing that keeps us separated. The illusion of separation is all that keeps us apart, and the more I realize this, the more wonderful insights and understandings come my way. I hope to show other's the beauty of allowing yourself to express yourself in the most giving manner, but it isn't exactly something that can be communicated in words. You have to feel it for yourself. Once you feel the twinge of that security, that benevolence without limit, you're hooked. You know what you want that for the rest of your life, for everyone, as long as you can give to it, because love will give to you. Being in harmony, and with the flow of life, rather than the flow of death, opens the universe to you, but death is the end of things. Love is something that can't be forced, and from time to time I find myself frustrated when people are so willing to visit pain on each other, but then I remember that it is only a reflection of their inner pain, a pain that we have all felt. When I am in that way, I wish for guidance and understanding, and that those who suffer would bring it to my attention. In that way I want those things in times of error, I can give those things to those who are in error in my life. I can show them a better way, not just the wrongs, so that they are encouraged to a path that creates healing, that is driven to good, and not the division that hurts us all. We all possess the same infirmities, only in variance of degree, but I have felt the fear that promotes separation and violence and I know how posessive it can be, how quickly you can be driven to madness. We all want the same thing, we all want peace, we all want harmony and joy. Most times we just go about it in an inefficient manner, and all that is required is to stop, reflect, and try again. With confidence and courage we can improve in our pursuit of these things, growing their presence in our lives as time goes on. We all need love to sustain us, and when we don't have it we languish in the outer darkness. It is not some pain inflicted on us by an outside element, as we so often believe it to be, but it is inflicted upon ourselves. When we cut ourselves off, then we become our own worst enemies, all the while blaming something else for the pain we feel. Until we realize the source of the problem the solution will eternally elude us. And the source is ourselves. It is our own misconceptions regarding separation that bring us into our own pain. In realizing our place within the whole we become convinced of our own worth, and subsequently have no fear because ourselves we cannot be threatened. The body may die, and fear may threaten, but the essence of our being is unassailable. So much of what contrives our dysfunction comes from us being out of touch with our place in all things, an unawareness of what we are. This unknowing of what we are can lead to endless crisis regarding our destination because we have no knowledge of our origin. You have to know where you are before you can know how to get where you're going. Realizing my place in the universe as an invaluable part of all things, possessing in some measure my own divinity, has given me a confidence regarding my own self worth, which helps me to operate without fear. Of course I am only on the journey, but the realization of such knowledge becomes easier once you have it. Most people are so hopelessly immersed in an idea of their own individuality, holding it as their prime value, without seeing how much of their essence such boxes limit them to. The power presented to a being separated from the whole is far more limited than one who recognizes his place in the whole, and because of that has the energy of all things at his disposal, to some extent. There is much for me to learn here, it can be quite overwhelming.
There is still fear within me from time to time, when the stimuli of the world divert my focus, I once again find myself returning to that separation that brings me pain. Realizing peace, harmony, and connectivity is an exercise in discipline - maintaining an awareness of your connectedness to all things in spite of all the urges to deviate. Many things can happen that bring up old associations, old convictions, and old ways of thinking that my ever changing awareness outgrows with every expansion of my understanding. It has been said that whatever we do not pay for in attention, we pay for in pain. Giving attention to the universe, the simple effort of recognizing its connection to us can make all the difference in the world. How many of us feel appreciated just by being acknowledged? It is the connection that we call love that feeds us, while the separation that we call fear starves us of the very life that sustains our being. I will be a force that feeds the universe, bringing light and nourishment to all I encounter. I will deviate from time to time, but with forgiveness and a recognition that we are all on our way to personal betterment, I will bring myself forward to a new realization. All failure leads to success. I would say that there is no failure, but rather, All things work together for good to them that love God. A valuable lesson if we were ever to hold one dearly in times of trouble and utmostly comforting. There is no path I can turn down that will lead to my destruction, for I am safe in the security of my being.

Beautiful People

When we grow, move to another level of being, we find that we have less and less in common with the world we used to inhabit. As the nature of our person changes we often see those changes reflected in our environment. When I learn new ways of being, when I set my mind to a higher frequency, I begin to disconnect from those around me who are still at their own level of being. Most people go through their whole lives in pretty much the same arena. They may have a few ups and downs but their lives assume a regularity. Each day is a routine, sleep, work, eat, repeat until the day you die. Its only a few of us who are constantly changing, always breaking our boundaries and finding new ways of expanding ourselves that truly change as life goes on. What is it that sets these two classes of people apart? It might be a toss up between confidence and courage. Without either of these you won't have what it takes to pursue anything to any real degree of success because you won't believe in yourself to go the distance when you aren't sure if you can, and you won't have the faith to jump when you don't know what you're jumping into. It is the attitude we hold when going into the unknown that keeps some people on the same level, while others are constantly hopping the tiers to new levels of personal development. I've been the person fighting for comfort, safety, normalicy, all in an effort to preserve what I was lacking most - confidence. When you have no belief in yourself, when you see yourself as defined externally rather than internally, then in the absence of positive information, you begin to doubt yourself, and everything you do suffers as a result. Nobody can accomplish anything until they first believe that they can. It could even be said that our beliefs as to what we can accomplish affect our performance greater than any outlying circumstance. The extent to which we achieve is determined by the extent we believe we can.
In order to achieve this confidence of being, its important to understand what a person requires in order to have it. I have not achieved many physical things, and yet I have the inner knowledge that anything thrown my way I can use in a positive way, depending on how I choose to bend with it. In order to be a successful person, one does not need all the external evidences of success. Success is a process not a destination, and it is the appreciation of this process that will keep you up even as others give up. All that is required for a person to have confidence in their ability to overcome, is that they believe in their ability to overcome, regardless of evidence to the contrary. This all comes from the attitude that a good spirit can overcome any obstacle. It isn't even that you are overcoming, thats just a side effect. Its that you focus on your spirit, and the things of the outside begin to fade into the background as you build momentum and generate an internal focus that continues to drive you in a direction of your choosing, rather than one driven externally. It is the choice of priority, which is more important? The outside, or the inside.
Because all that is required for human excellence is the state of faith - faith in your own excellence, I have developed the belief that all people are beautiful. Rachel is a girl with alot against her, most of it coming from herself, but I still appreciate and love her as a beautiful, unique human being, unaware of her own capabilities. It isn't all the superficial difficulties we face in this world that determine our capabilities, its the strength of our spirit, but sometimes we get so involved and feel so overwhelmed by our external difficulties that we overlook our greatest source of strength, our unalienable human potential. I will continue to try and show her that her inner strength can help her to overcome all that stands in her way, and a great way to do that will be to practice these principles and disciplines in my own life. But there are many ways to turn a person's head, and I will continue to use my ingenuity to find a way that will reach her. I can't convince her of her own worth, but maybe I can help lead her to it. Once she has the confidence in herself to do whatever she desires, her decisions will be much different. I once read that low self-esteem can be traced as the source of all serious human pathologies, and I would have to agree with that. Most people, including Rachel, make decisions based on things outside them - their behaviour is determined by circumstance and they are ultimately a product of their environment. They view the problem as being outside of them, and as a result give away any power they had of changing it. They forfeit before they're even out of the gate.
When we see any problem in our life as our own, then we instantly have all the leverage we need to solve it - regardless of the source of the problem. If we see that all things can be dominated from within, even if not in the way we expected, then we have that measure of control which allows us to influence the course of our lives from the only engine we truly control - ourselves. Its when we give our power to others, when we blame others for our problems, blame our circumstances, that we miss out on the opportunities that contrive our lives.
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them. - Ann Landers.
Taking advantage of all opportunities in life, the obvious as well as those that are harder to see, is a crucial element of leading a life that makes a difference. Rachel see difficulty and sees a reason to give up, but if she only recognized the opportunities available to her with each new problem, she would be a much more empowered person today than she is now. She has an immense reservoir of opportunities to learn from, but would rather turn her back on them, prefering to run away or as she calls it 'moving on', without really stopping and learning from all the opportunities she has been given that have been disguised as obstacles in her mind. Those who can take a negative and reframe it as a positive are those who master life because they take everything that other label good or bad and see it all as good, as somehow working towards their grand design because they have the flexibility and faith to learn from even the most challenging of circumstances. Whether it teaches me, or increases my discipline, expands my capacity for forgiveness, or just helps me have fun, all things in my life contribute to my well being, and it is this attitude that has given me a new perspective on my life and a new confidence in the face of the unknown. You might call it a faith in divine providence, Marcus Aurelius called it the Reason of the Universe, whatever it is, its an understanding that all things in the universe are essentially benevolent, it is only our perspective that makes it otherwise. In this sense who we are truly defines our reality by allowing those who see the malevolently to be threatened at every turn, and those who see it benevolently as being always in the cradling arms of universal security. All determined by the power of our will. This power of perspective, a power completely overlooked by those who focus on others, on their situations, on life outside of them, is the single greatest force we can master as people on this earth, and it gives us the power to navigate life according to the greatest joy or the worst misery. Our fate is truly our own, and we control our experience of the world.
All people are beautiful, regardless of their superficial differences, and each in their own way. We all have so much farther to go in our quest for the realization of our potential, but it is certainly the quest that we should enjoy, and not the attainment of its object. The future will never come, but the now is always present. Even now, in the minute actions of my daily life, I hope to help people according to my knowledge and wisdom. I will develop a greater discipline in maintaining my mental frequency that will help me to influence people to raise their own mental state to one that is more positive through the constancy of my own mental state. I have taken great leaps in understanding my states and growing as a person, and I wish that I could bring Rachel along with me, and I am confident that I can, its just a matter of whether or not she will. I will continue to attempt to show her how much more she could possess if only she believed in her ability to take it, but she has been in this rut for a long time, and I don't maintain any illusions as to the ease of the task before me. Having someone change a way of dealing with life that they have used for so many years won't be accomplished in a day, and it will only be through persistent, creative, long-term effort that I might get through to her. However long it takes, and whether or not she takes notice, the process will be an excellent inspiration to expand my knowledge of motivation, relationships, and personal power. I can only learn from these difficulties, and anything in life that improves the quality of my person is not in vain.

Love is being

Love is more than a thought, more than a word, more than an action - it is a way of being. Everything in our world stems from our inner experience of who we are. What we do has less to do with our circumstances and more to do with who we are when those circumstances arise. When we focus on who we are and who we want to be, then everything falls into place. It is this quality of persevering spirit, a spirit that continues undaunted in the face of changing circumstance, that propells people to greatness in spite of overwhelming odds. True strength lies within, and it is those who have recognized and focused inwardly that have overcome outwardly and become heroes. It wasn't that they overcame their obstacles, it was that they realized that the obstacles didn't matter compared to who they were on the inside. Our inner strength is so much greater than we realize, and often times we become so immersed in the world that its easy to overlook that immense inner resource that never leaves us. Whenever the world around us stews in fear and the belief in separation, it doesn't even need to be considered. We don't own the world, can't control it, it isn't ours. The only thing we own is that which our will has power over - ourselves. Focusing on things in the world will only waste our effort and time because we ignore our greatest and most efficient area of power - our inner being. It is by understanding, connecting with, and controlling this inner self that we can unleash a great inner strength that will impact the world like ripples in a pond. Trying to create that residual effect without a strong source impact is impossible. Even those who focus on the world and make some progress do so from a place of inner action. If they focused on what lies within them, rather than without, they would find their efforts greatly magnified in effect. Its all we can do to stay on top of ourselves, and ensure that what we hold inside is what we want on the outside, to be pure, loving, compassionate, and forgiving. When we hold these things within, no external barrage can dissuade us because we aren't even paying attention to it. If you put all of your attention on who you are then you have little left for anything else. It is the discipline of applied focus that gives us greatness, the ability to master our inner resources and distribute them according to our will, not according to the whims of instinct or external forces.

Love is wonderful

Love is such a wonderful thing, I can't see why anyone would deny it to themselves in any measure. There are so many people in the world focused on their hurts, worrying over their fears, that sometimes love just has a hard time getting through. Its only when we let go of those things, allow, forgive, be courageous, and be willing to accept any hurt that we begin to understand what love is and what it feels like. As human beings our methods won't give us the results we desire most of the time, but its with each of those times that we reflect, learn, and do better - growing more in our capacity to show people love and in our understanding of it. The only failure is a failure you don't learn from. Its the fear of trying and failing that keeps most people on the ground. They become outcome oriented, worried about whether or not it will work, without focusing on the benefits such efforts give them as a human being. Every time we put ourselves out there in the world to help someone, could someone get hurt? could we hurt ourselves? could things not go as well as we planned? Sure, but at the end of that experience we have that valuable experience that we can learn from. In the Iliad there is a story of Philoctites, who has been bitten by a snake and taken on board the ship. The wound festers and the shipmates begin to fear the disease it would bring on the rest of the ship. So they abandon him on an island. They continue on to the Trojan war, and start to loose quite badly. Searching for guidance, they turn to the oracle which tells them that the reason they're loosing is because they left Philoctites on the island, for within his wound is the bow and arrows of Hercules. His wound had knowledge they had learn from. SO they picked him up and continued on with the war and won. It is our wounds that give us the knowledge we can learn from to improve every aspect of our lives, from house chores, to life long pursuits, to enhancing out ability to love. Love is something we get better at the more we put ourselves out there, the more we try, the more we forgive, the greater and greater our capacity for love becomes. Occasionally I see those out in the world continuing on blindly, ignoring the great bounty their love could bring for the world and themselves, and I get angry, but that is not a response that is compatible with a loving perspective. It is another one of those fear induced responses, maybe my fear that the world can't be better, so I have to be frustrated to make progress. But anger is pushy, love is patient. On of the greatest attributes about love is that it isn't exhausted. Often times in the pursuit of anger we will tire ourselves out, because anger is inherently destructive, out of harmony, with our being. Love nurtures us, and with each moment that we focus on it - it sustains us. The more we put into it, the more it gives us back, and in so doing a person learns to increase the flow of that ever giving fount of love that resides within us all, some more than others. The only thing we can do when others show fear, anger, hatred, judgement, is to be patient with them, and continue on in our path with the knowledge that love will always outlast fear, because it is inherently better for you. Simply by giving to those people, showing them in earnest a better way through the example of our own deeds, contributing to the lives of those around us, we can make the world a better place if only for those in our company.
Fear, distance, separation, dislike, all of these things come to us much stronger than love does. Given that social programming is coupled with our biological instincts, its no wonder that love holds a minimal foothold in most peoples lives. Love is encouraged in our society mostly as a romantic notion, and the principles of higher thinkers, Ghandi, MLK, Jesus, are often explained away in order to make room for our destructive tendencies. But love is all you need. It can be the driving force to help us accomplish what we desire in our relationships - inspiring us to learn, grow, hurt and overcome all in the interest of improving the love we share with others. Love is like any other thing that requires investment, but the more you invest in it, the more it gives back to you. For too many people, love is just a high, and once the lows set in, love is no more. The love I speak of is spiritual, called from deep within us as a recognition of our one-ness with all things. Once you take into account that we are all a part of each other, attacking or doing damage to any one part makes little sense as an organism divided against itself is doomed to destruction. There will be adverse elements in the world that excite reactions similar to those they produce. Its when others act negatively towards us, and we respond in kind, that we spread the cancer. The only way to allay the progress of these malignant tendencies is to respond benignly, to continue on with our course of compassion unswayed. It is through the healthy functioning of the whole that the sick elements are eventually rendered whole. Valuabe advice for how we conduct ourselves in difficult times, when there are many who seem against us. Our worlds consist of what we put into them, if it be love, then that is what we shall receive, if it be anger, then we shall likewise be given that anger in return. Our decisions, our ways of being, determine the very course of our lives. I choose love, for it is a wonderful thing.